Numbers
by Hardylicious
Summary: New town, new rules. As Alice made her way up to Roundview, all she could think of was the dreadful shadow of her past. But that's exactly what it is, that's past. And she's gonna change it. But can we? Will she ever be able to forget who she was when all she can think of is these 10 little numbers on her arm and who they belong to.
1. Chapter 1

**-I'm Alice-**

"New country, new school, new life. New country, new school, new life ...". That was all Alice had managed to hold on to, as she was already stressing out while she entered her new high school. 'Roundview'. That was a pretty lame name but she guessed she would have to deal with it 'cause she wasn't gonna be the one who'd change it. While heading to her locker, with the information's sheets she had picked up at the secretary, she suddenly felt the floor below her ass, in a not so softly way. She looked up to see the cause of her pain and only met wide brown eyes full of panic.

"Oh I'm so sorry, you're hurt?!" He said still not knowing what to do, while she stood up the best she could now that her dignity was far... far away. Actually the boy was pretty cute, she thought, after a sigh of exasperation. He was tall, with dark straight hair and tanned skin. But what she really liked was his eyes. He had the most expressive eyes she had seen in her life. And she suddenly realized that he also was expecting an answer by the desperate look they were sending her.

"Oh no don't worry I'm fine, I guess I should have been more careful..." She hesitated before going on with all the courage she had "I'm Alice by the way". Make no mistake about it, she wasn't the 'I'm afraid to talk to boys' kinda girl, actually she happened to be way to much involved with the opposite gender but that was before all the shit happened in her life.

"I'm Freddie,-" he said politely, being interrupted while he was about to add something.

"And I'm JJ ! What is wrong with your accent?" A curly boy that she had not seen popped right behind Freddie's back. He surely knew how to go straight in the subject.

"Well nothing is _wrong_, I'm French that's all." She shrugged, trying to convince them it wasn't such a big deal when she knew that they wouldn't stop staring at her like some alien girl before long. Hopefully the awkward silent was break by a noisy boy shouting and emerging from behind Freddie. That was becoming sort of a habit. Well with the difference that he had not witnessed the whole knock out incident for he was flirting around.

His eyes immediately landed on Alice, scanning her body up and down and making her pleasingly uncomfortable. She was what you could call 'hot'. But then again she _was_. She had changed, she thought.

Finally reaching her eyes with a grin on his face he playfully whispered "Well what do we have here ?".

JJ lost no time in answering "She's Alice and she's French". The third guy's blue eyes opened wide when he heard she was French. Now that was the type of reaction she was used to when being around foreign boys. Apparently French girls had kinda reputation to be easy girls, or at least a good fuck. But she was no such thing. Well she surely had an idea why they could think that though she didn't appreciate not to have a chance to prove them wrong. She was taken out of her thoughts by his deep voice.

"Oh this is so hot I love the French girls! You must be good with your tongue, call me if you want to fuck" he simply said grabbing her hand while she reluctantly let him write his number on her forearm.

"So? Can you speak a little French for us?" JJ asked innocently.  
"Tu as de très jolis yeux et une très belle bouche et d'ailleurs ça m'arrangerait si tu pouvais t'en servir pour dire à tes deux potes d'arrêter de me regarder comme s'ils allaient me sauter dessus !" Stroking JJ's cheek, she whispered this only to the four of them but the blonde girl who had her locker right next to her caught the sentence and smirked. On these words, Alice closed her locker and left, three pairs, no actually four pairs of eyes burning her back with curiosity and for some, a furious envy to tear down the dress she was wearing.

"I don't know a shit what she said but I'm sure she wants her ride with the Cookie Monster haha!" Cook shouted arrogantly.  
Naomi simply replied "she just said JJ had nice eyes and a beautiful mouth that he should use to tell you two to stop staring at her like you want to bang her right away!". She was pretty strong in French as it was her first foreign language and she loved the culture. Plus, by the way she kept following the brunette that had just left, she had decided to know more about her.

She went after her when she heard Cook broke into a laughter repeating things like 'anytime!' or 'I'm gonna like her' before heading too with his two comrades to the gym where the first reunion was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey there, I just wanted to say that I write for me usually so I'm not very bothering with vocabulary sometimes as you may have noticed. I'm really trying though to make it readable so please don't be mad if I messed up a few things sometimes. Moreover I wanted you to know that I'm French so English isn't my first language obviously but I really enjoy reading and writing in English so please if you have any comment, advice or idea to make it more enjoyable, feel yourself free to comment right below. Thanks again to stop by and have a good day, night, reed.**

**PS: I think I have to say that I don't own the characters or story of 'Skins' but I do own mine (Alice and her story) so that's it. And it applies to the whole story.**

* * *

-**Acting inappropriately-**

When they arrived, the gym was already full of people and the three boys decided to sit a few seats down to Naomi. Alice was at the opposite, even downer. She felt Cook's look on her and when she gave a quick look of herself to check she surely was right. He was watching her like a predator and his prey and for a minute, she even wondered if one of her boobs wasn't popping out for he wouldn't let go.

Their staring contest was broke with the loud voice of a man, hurling through a megaphone. The room went silent and the man murmured something to the apparently already bored woman. She was standing in front of the students, with two men? Oh god what a fucked up school. After a quick look she noticed a small blonde woman, apparently terrorized by the bunch of students. What, they weren't about to jump on her, were they? Both 'Grumpy woman' and 'Megaphone man' warned them about the zero tolerance policy they would lead, 'bite me' she thought ironically. Then the shy woman who appeared to be Miss Reedy, the new head of communication, started to call names class per class. Alice almost didn't hear her name 'cause the girl before was actually called Naomi Campbell. Poor girl, though she was pretty it must not be easy every day. The whole room laughed and the one Alice identified as 'Megaphone man' struggled as he tried to pronounce her name correctly.

"Tcham...- Tchampa..- Tchampalt ?"

"It's Champault" She corrected and some whistled as they noticed she was no countryside girl.

"Oh you must be the new French girl!" He exclaimed with a sudden worried look. 'No kidding, you figured that one all by yourself?' She thought ironically but smiled back with an angelic face of her own. Not a very good way to start back incognito...

Then her attention was drawn back to Naomi as she suddenly called for the headmaster.

"Excuse me" she asked with a satisfied look on her face.

"Yes? What is it?" she responded slightly annoyed.

"The boy next to me is acting inappropriately." She said with an annoying but quite funny tone in her voice.  
"How?" The headmaster asked now interested when she saw the cocky boy smiling ear to ear.

"He wants to show me his tattoo. And not in a nice way." Naomi added with a sparkle in the eye and sat back. Now this was going to be interesting !

"Right. You!" The woman asked now angry.

"Me?" Cook said amused of the situation.

"Yes! Why don't you show us all your pathetic tattoo. We can wonder at its magnificent stupidity." She said as she was proud of her authority, Alice guessed.

"I don't think you'd like it." He ironically grinned.

"Right lad! Smartish! You've had an instruction. Show her the tattoo, now!" Dough ordered him trying to be authoritarian but it just didn't fit.

"All right." He said unlocking his belt.

"Wait. No, no, no! Cook, wait, no." Freddie tried to stop him but the pants were already down. Man he had one hell of a ... tattoo hum. But seriously, he was really well proportioned. A bit cocky maybe but whatever, she knew it didn't matter when it came to sex, all she needed was to bring up motivation. Oops no, stop, reload : 'Alice you've changed, you can't act the way you did back in France, see where it led you!'.

She looked back at the list she had done during the meeting. Everything forbidden by the teachers was on this piece of paper : Alcohol, drugs, sex,... She had planned to do it all today 'cause the old Alice would have played this little game, but she had decided she would act "responsible". As she was about to pull it to pieces, a magnificent small brunette behind her asked "would you mind?". She was looking at the list with genuinely interested blue eyes.

"Whatever" she gave it to her and the blue-eyed girl smiled happily looking down at Alice's previous planning.

"I like you, I'm Effy" she smiled looking back at the brown eyed girl. For a moment Alice swore she could see her back when she was wild and didn't give a fuck about what she was doing. "I'm Alice-"

"And I'm Pandora and I'm useless" said a blonde girl with a freaking girly look.

"Oh ok" Alice said politely while Effy rolled her eyes. When her attention got back to the people around her, she noticed that Cook had his pants back up and was grinning proudly, waiting for her to make eye-contact. When she reached his eyes, she couldn't help but winked playfully at him. She wanted to change but what could you say, some old habits just stick to the skin.

* * *

**Like I said, feel free to review. I know it's short. I'll try to go a little bit longer with the few other chapters. I've got some ideas but if I write them all down I'm gonna be here for a long, long, long time ! **

**Un clin d'oeil aux Français qui liront ce texte, vous avez un avantage pour les quelques dialogues écrits en français dans cette histoire :) Bisous !**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey there, I felt a little guilty with the length of the previous chapters so I decided to update this one too. Hope you enjoy, feel free to comment, good or bad but constructive please. **

**PS: I only own my character Alice and the story that concerns her (plot &amp; characters that aren't from Skins). Bye bye, kisses from Wonderland. **

* * *

**-Wouldn't fuck a cheat-**

After the end of the meeting, she headed towards her locker who happened to be next to Effy's. The blue eyed girl was smiling when she saw her.  
"What a nice surprise!" She said with what Alice assumed was a happy tone. She did not have the chance to say anything back for Freddie was standing awkwardly in front of them.

"Hi" he finally spoke with hopeful eyes. Ouch, not such a good beginning.

"Hi." Effy said with a curious look.

"You don't mind if I take this locker?" Freddie's eyes were screaming for help.

"You can take anything if you want it enough." Effy snapped back at him. Alice knew too well where this was heading to. She had played this little game only too many times so she couldn't feel anything but sorry for the poor boy. Still she had to admit, at least he had tried.

"Great. Everything's new and I suppose we should probably, like, you know, all get to know each other." He spoke now to both of them, looking at Alice for some help.

"Well I'm gonna go, meet you in class" Alice said while closing her lockers, a desperate Freddie looking at her. This wasn't her favorite type of conversations. She wasn't all that 'let's know each other and be friends forever' because she knew she just wasn't able to do it.

"Why?" Effy asked both of them surprised.

As she was about to head to her first class, an arm blocked her way.

She vaguely heard Freddie add some stuffs to his already convincing speech but she wasn't listening at all since Cook was now gently turning her forearm to see that his number was still right where he had left it.

"See you're holding on to me" he joked with a large smirk on his face.

"Tried to wash it off but it's freaking indelible" she lied, as she was used to.

"I don't buy that, see if you really want me I guess I could give you some time but my schedule is alre-" he was cut right in his pretentious flirt as Effy grabbed her waist and pulled her out of his sight, saying towards Freddie "Cos I wouldn't fuck a cheat." and that's how they left them, taken aback both by the line and quick run. Alice couldn't help but chuckle as Panda grabbed her arm.

"Now you need to explain me what this was" Alice whispered to the blue-eyed girl and the latter just nodded and winked at her.

"Well let's say at the end of the day, I'll have either a good laugh or a good fuck !" She simply explained.  
"Unless you want to pick the winner, the list was your idea after all" she asked genuinely concerned.

"Have fun, I wasn't going to do this actually"Alice sighed, a little pissed out with how reasonable she had become.

"Oh yes, you were" Effy simply added, certain of what she was talking about.  
"I'm sure you've done a lot worse" she murmured with a cocky smile and a hint of mischief.

"You have no idea" Alice mouthed so no one would get that except for Effy who was satisfied with the answer as she tightened her grasp around Alice's waist. The brown-eyed girl had the feeling that this one could really make her experienced the most amazing things in her life just as she could turn it into pure hell.  
As she seemed to have read her mind, Effy added something.  
"Trust me, this year is gonna be fun"

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**Very short but only to complete the last one :) Bisous !**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey there, I think I have some motivation at the moment for I'm updating every night. But I don't think it'll last, unfortunately. I'll try my best to cope with exams and this but don't be too expecting. Anyway, I think I've found some pretty good ideas that I will developed later but if you have any advice, idea, comment please review I'd love to read about it. Bisous de France :) !**

**PS: I don't own the characters or story of 'Skins' but I do own mine (Alice and her story) so that's it. And it applies to the whole story. (blah blah blah)**

* * *

**-Just got to get drugs and sex-**

"Right. Um... Now we've gotta... Christ. Fuck it. OK. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Um... OK. Whatever... We've gotta stand up, say our names and a unique fact about ourselves. Right." The teacher, if you can call him that, mumbled. He seemed even more bored than his students if it was possible.

Pandora had had to leave the two girls to head to 'make up beauty class whatever they called it. She surely was disappointed but it didn't bother Effy much. Alice was wondering what kind of relationship with the poor blonde she had as it was obvious she wasn't playing in the same league or even the same game. But then she mentally slapped herself for she had used to hang around with Lou the same way. She was pretty much Pandora 2, still with less personality and very less boobs. She actually was starting to see why Effy liked Panda. She was easy to handle, funny and above all she wouldn't mess up with her fucks. It is such a pain in the ass when a cock comes between two girls, and not in a dirty movie way.

So after letting Panda go, Effy and she had continued to walk on to their class. Without bothering with the red hair twin, Katie she heard, she had quickly found herself a seat and waited for the class to start whereas Effy was still talking to the twins. They had been met by Naomi, the blonde that had caused such a mess earlier and she had wondered a second why Katie didn't seem so please to see her.

Effy had taken the table next to Alice and looked over a piece of paper dropped on her table by nobody else but Cook. Curious, she couldn't help and took a quick look just to see that everything on her list was crossed apart from sniffing glue, drugs, and sex. Quick correction : just drugs and sex as he was sniffing some glue right in front of Effy with wild eyes. 'Impressive' she thought.  
She was suddenly taken out of her thoughts when the teacher began the presentations.

"I'll start. Christ. I'm Kieran and I hate being a fucking teacher. You." He headed to JJ with an annoyed look.

"Um... I'm JJ and with regard to mathematic aptitude I'm in the top 0.3% of the population which is an interesting demographic statistic because paradoxically my communication, interpersonal and intuitive skills are towards the lower quartiles." He was talking so fast she didn't have a clue what he had just said. Something with numbers and math so she didn't bothered to understand.

"Yeah. You've stopped me in my fucking tracks there, yeah." So she wasn't the only one…

"You." He pointed out one of the red twin, the 'I'm popular' one she supposed.

"I'm Katie. I've never not had a boyfriend since I was seven." Well she guessed right.

"Congratulations. You." He showed her sister.

"I'm Emily. I've never had a boyfriend." She felt pity for her … and also admiration for bearing her sister 'till now. She had just met her and already had come up with 4 different ways to kill her. Wait no, 5 actually.

"Shit happens. You." She was starting to really like this "teacher".

"I'm Naomi. I hate injustice. People tell lies about me." The platinum blonde said. Interesting.  
Kieran kept asking around, giving quick comments and he finally nodded at Effy.

"What about you? With the bling."

"I'm Effy. And I think my mum's having an affair." Wow. That one, she didn't expect.

"Good one. Shows enterprise." He seemed to be a little taken aback too by the answer as she sat down calmly.

"What about you, big man?" he was now looking at a blushing Freddie.

"I'm Freddie. I met a girl I like today. She's like... Beautiful. That's it." He hesitated, babbling. Oh man. Though Effy wasn't expecting this, at all.

"That's it? That's your unique fact? That's just great. Fascinating, Freddie, thank you for that." He sighed.

"What about you?" He was looking at Alice with a genuinely interested face, trying to figure out what kind of strange little thing she was she guessed.

"Hey I'm Alice and I'm French" she said flat.

"Tell me something I don't know", he rolled his eyes, not really expecting an answer. Taking it as a challenge she added "Je ne devrais pas être ici, si on compte le nombre de fois où j'ai failli faire une overdose ou qu'on m'a tiré dessus… That you don't know." She sat back with all eyes on her. She could feel all the tension she had brought in the room and was glad when Cook broke it with a "Hot!" She knew English lads liked her accent.

A few moments later, Effy interrupted the 'class': "Kieran?"

"Yes." He said while figuring out what to do next.

"I'm feeling rather shit. I think I need to go to the Nurse's office." She said with an angel tone Alice knew only too much. She was sure where this was going to end.

"Oh, yeah? OK. Go on then. Right. Where were we? Oh, stuff it. Let's just watch a DVD about... Oh, Christ. "How To Be Inclusive". Holy Mother of divine shite, who makes up this shit? " he mindlessly said, as Alice was trying to wonder how this goddamn teacher had even got hired, or most likely why had he asked to be.

And as she had predicted, Cook's voice took her out of her wonders "Actually, Kieran, I'm not feeling too well either. My balls are aching. I might have to go and see that nurse." He said, a cheshire grin playing on his lips.

She watched him go. She couldn't help feeling a little tug at her heart. It used to be her. She used to be that girl who cares about nothing but have sex and be high. But as she admitted to the class earlier: she shouldn't have been there, if you took into account the number of times she had been close to death, whether because of drugs or someone shooting at her.

"Cheers, Kieran." Cook finally smirked, glancing at her before shutting the door.

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Well that's all folks :) Maybe I'll update another tonight as it is already written... I don't know...


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey there, I couldn't resist, I had to update already. Let me know what you think of it… please :) I have to confess I'm not really fond of all the "aggression", "drug dealing", "sexual assault", … that you can find quite often in fanfictions but as it is the drawback of the series I figured out it would allow me to FINALLY give you a better idea of Alice's character. From now I'll start to build her story, maybe put some flashbacks, I haven't made up my mind yet.**

**Moreover, as you may have noticed, this chapter title is also the first chapter of Alice in Wonderland and I'm gonna make some connections with the famous book and writer in my story I think. Something like a dark Alice. And that's splendid 'cause it also happens to be my character's name. What a coincidence! Told you I had some ideas coming up ;) Bisous de France! **

**PS: I don't own the characters or story of 'Skins' but I do own mine (Alice and her story) so that's it. And it applies to the whole story. (blah blah blah) **

* * *

**-Down the Rabbit-hole-**

When the bell rang, she couldn't have been more pleased. She swiftly gathered her stuffs, that is to say only grabbing her phone and bag as they had not worked at all. She noticed the weird blonde she had met walking towards us. She remembered her as Pandora, and smiled at her. After Cook had left, the blonde had simply pushed the door and asked to stay. That had not been a problem for Kieran who couldn't care less of who was in or out of his class.

"Hey want to hang out with Effy and I? We're going to some party to see if I can 'surf and turf' with someone!" she said excited at the idea of whatever the fuck could be surf and turf.

"Sorry, got to go home. See you tomorrow" she cut the discussion, not wanting her to ask any details as the girl seemed to never end chatting. It was like she was literally 24/7 on MDMA.

"Oh ok" she said a little disappointed but living with a nod.

A few moments later, she was in the street, heading to the park, when she got a quick feeling of déjà vu. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the dark thoughts of her past but stopped when her nose caught a mix of alcohol, vomit and sweat. She looked up to lock eyes with two dark pupils. He was leaning against the wall, with two other guys, in the alley that was a few meters further. She quickly grabbed her phone, still keeping up the staring contest, and wondered quickly who the hell she could call. She had no one. The police would sure enough come but when? Then, looking down, defeated, her eyes caught something on her forearm: 10 numbers burning her skin when she remembered who had written them earlier. She didn't thought twice before dialing the number. 

After the second ring, a deep voice echoed in her ear, somehow reassuring her as she caught movement in the corner of her eyes. "Hello?" he asked over the phone.

"Hey it's Alice" she quickly said.

"Ha, I knew you'd call, they always do once they meet the Cookie Mons-" She didn't have much time.

"Listen whatever you're doing, if you care enough come pick me up in front of some 'Ish… Onds… Tavern'" she said while looking at the pub they were standing in front of, the three guys getting dangerously close to her.

"Wait what? Hold on what are you fucking talking about?" he said pretty pissed off not understanding at all.

"You know where it is?" she asked.

"Yeah but that's not the que-"

"Good, come I'm in trouble" she interrupted him once again before her phone was pulled away and thrown behind her. These two dark pupils were now few inches from her face, scanning her the same way that Cook actually had earlier and even saying "Well, what do we have now?". But somehow, it hadn't the same playful tone that it had had in Cook's mouth. He would come, she knew it. He had to. 

Out of the blue her head somehow connected with the wall, her hands being secured by the two other men. She had no chance. They stared at her with a perv look, that she should have expected coming from drunken fucking rapists. 'Cause that's what they were going to do. She knew it. She felt hands grab her hair and she let escaped a scream when he pulled hard to make her look at his devilish eyes. She mentally warned her: she had to act strong, to keep the little amount of control that was still hers and use it. She looked directly into his eyes and, with a surprised look on his face, she tucked her tongue out a little, licking her bottom lip. He surely fell in, taking it at the hint that somehow she goddamn wanted him and had waited for him this whole time. That, she was good at. Twisting with men's mind. As he crushed his lips into hers, she opened her mouth a little, so that his tongue could rush in just as she expected and then, she bit. She bit the hardest she could 'cause she knew it was her last shot. When she caught the unmistakable taste of blood, then only she let go, kicking her knee right between his legs. The man stumbled a few steps away. But she had not thought of the two other guys. She furiously struggled, twisting her wrists but they only tightened their grip, leaving bruises on her soft skin. That, she had not thought about. But she quickly realized how bad was her mistake when the dark pupils' man fumbled some "Bitches" away and started beating the crap out of her. This was a feeling she had come across more than once but she would have gladly forgotten. Between the punches she couldn't help thinking it was still better than the feeling of his cock all over her. 'Cause bruises, cuts, even broken bones, healed. But it's quite hard to regain your dignity once you lost it.

She had almost passed out when the fists stopped connecting with her body. She let out a small sigh. She realized she wasn't dead only when she felt her body lifted up and a heavy chest against her bleeding cheek. His chest.

She vaguely heard him opened a door and only the huge scent of alcohol kept her eyes opened for a few seconds before she felt herself drifting into some heavy sleep.

"Hey look at me! Stay with me there !" He worried while he put her on what felt like a table, or maybe a counter.

"Christina help me over there she's gonna fucking pass out". She could only see his face, through her now swollen eye, as the other was totally closed. His beautiful blue eyes which were fussing around as if someone was about to die. Oh she got it, that someone was her.

"Hey" was all her lips allowed her to say as she felt blood invading her mouth.

"Hey" he replied, his thumbs caressing each side of her face as she felt someone tucking up her dress. She couldn't care less. A warm wet towel was put on her face, as a woman was trying to get rid of the blood. But all she could concentrate in was these lovely beautiful blue eyes.

When she finally recovered a bit, she managed to sit up. She lifted up her hands, actually surprised that none of her arms had been broken in the process. She could still imagine that her face had not been spared, judging by the puzzled faces in front of her.

Her eyes didn't even watered when she saw Cook's hand reaching out for her cheek, but she avoided it, letting it land onto her laps.

"Thank you" She said as his eyes widened, genuinely shocked. "For coming" she felt the urge to add. She attempted to jump off the counter but her legs were still shaking and hurting and she staggered a little. He quickly grabbed her tiny waist to make sure she was ok. He didn't want to let her go, he couldn't.

* * *

After she had called him, he had immediately pulled his zipper up and left a taken aback Effy while heading to the pub. Her voice … he just couldn't stop hearing it. "Troubles". That's what she had said. And coming from her pretty mouth he knew it was serious.

He had fallen far short of the mark. The three bastards were all over her, thumping hard enough he could actually hear her bones crumble. But the worst of it was that there wasn't any other sound that these dreadful sounds of flesh being beaten. No scream, no cry, not even a sob. She was lying there, just as if she was dead. And all he could see by then was red. In a second the two men had let their grip go, being knocked out on the floor. Cook was about to attack the last one but as he looked up the man was already running. He started to make his way after him but he heard her sigh and the only thought that she was still alive kicked him back to reality.

* * *

**Hey, so the last part was the draft of an attempt of some Cook's POV, I don't know if that was good enough though ... Anyway, hope you liked it! Bonne journée, bonne nuit, bonne lecture ! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey there, this is a much longer chapter so I'm pretty happy I've managed to write it without so much trouble. I think I'm starting to progress a little and work faster but sadly I have to concentrate on other things currently… But I'll try to make it work so I don't give up this story already. I really enjoy creating and updating and seeing that you're reading from all over the world. Please I want to know what you're thinking so I can change things that need to be and also tell me if you like it… or not! I'm no vindictive person, just a "Curiouser ;) Bisous de France! **

**PS: I don't own the characters or story of 'Skins' but I do own mine (Alice and her story) so that's it. And it applies to the whole story. (blah blah blah) **

* * *

**-The Pool of Tears-**

"I gotta go" she pressed, but he wouldn't let her go. She turned around only to find his light blue eyes on her, under his now furrowed eyebrows.

"No first you gotta explain me what the hell happened!" He barked, a bit louder than he wanted.

"I don't know they were there and I was heading hom-...to the park" she corrected "and I've only had time to call the only fucking person who wrote his number on my arm. Sorry that I bothered you but now '_please_' let me go" her mouth was trying the best to convince him but her hands were now shaking and her knees started clashing. Before she could collapse, he had a hand on her back, the other one still on her waist and forced her to sit.

"You're not going anywhere before you really explained me the whole situation." He said with a determined look which only proved her more that he was as stubborn as she was.

"I told you, they just saw me and I knew they wouldn't let go so I just take my chance to call help before they got closer" she flatly explained.

"Why haven't you run away? Any sensed person would've at least try, why haven't you?" He replied. He knew she was hiding something and he wasn't the kind of person to not get what he wanted.

"I just _know_ that's all. Those guys, they aren't done with you until they got you" she remained calm, a little proud of her anger management while now the entire scenery had changed around her. She was back in France, in that club, or more likely that alley behind that club, her hands held up high above her head while she was trying to scream.

"They are senseless human beings and only hunt down for they own benefit. Once they've bitten you, you're done. No matter how fast you run or how strong you think you are, you're done." She continued, her eyes now partially veiled as Cook remained silent.

"Have you ever been ... _done_?" He asked cautiously a few moments later.  
She simply replied "You haven't always been there around and I'm not the kinda person who gets to be _protected_".

She stood up, tugged on her dress, and headed to the door, making sure her legs wouldn't betray her once more. She was going to grab the knob when the door opened itself as Cook led her outside.

"C'mon I'll walk you back" he simply shrugged when her eyes asked him an implicit question.

As they were getting close to the park, Alice finally stopped and was about to tell him that she'd finish alone when he grabbed her forearm.

"I want you to always have those here ok?" He took out a pen of his pocket and wrote back the numbers that had been erased during the fight and after washing away all the blood.

"Ok?" He repeated, without the slightest tone of annoyance, just genuinely concerned.

She nodded, still not looking at him. He gently stroked her bloody hurt chin and made her look up. She could felt all the tension going away while her big brown golden eyes got lost in his.

"So where do you live?"

She shivered, not answering.

"C'mon it can't be _that_ bad" he patiently waited as she was probably bouncing pros and cons.

"Follow me" she finally said, grabbing his hand and entering the park. She stopped in front of what seemed to be an abandoned shed. She turned back so he could see her eyes, not allowing any emotions to reach them.

"That's it. That's where I live." She simply said as he frowned.

She noticed he had carried her purse all the way back, not even complaining and she hid a smile while she took it off his arm.

* * *

"Wait.. You don't.. You can't ... Live ..stay.. _here_." He said with disgust, staring behind her to see how deep she actually was in shit. Though the room had no light, he saw a pile of clothes, not quite enough though as he figured out it was where she slept on.

"Well thank you for caring but it's not like I have any other choice." That was her turn to frown.

"Grab your things you're coming over at my place." He couldn't bear looking inside anymore. The windows were broken, floor was crowded with shits he recognized being old cigarettes and syringes.

"If you want to leave by tomorrow you can go back here but you're not gonna stay in this shite tonight after what happened!" He pressed her, squeezing her hand.

* * *

"But what about your family? They're gonna freak out when they see the wreck I am, aren't they?" She said politely, hoping he wouldn't back off because she should really use a shower and a warm night. Well not that kind of warmness she mentally growled.

"I don't get why they should even say something 'cause you ain't gonna see 'em. You're coming over to my place"

"Oh." She hesitated, figuring out she would spend the entire night alone with this boy she'd only met earlier today. Not that this had never happened before she thought cynically. But somehow deep down she knew she could trust him. And that meant the boy had already achieved the worst part with her 'cause she wasn't, anymore, the kind that slept over for one night and it was difficult to win her trust.

* * *

He was standing there in his apartment, most likely his room, waiting for her to make the first move.

"Ya comin?" His hand remained on the door side, not pushing her too much or letting her think he had anything else in mind than genuine care. He truly wanted the girl to feel safe.

He had to move a little as she made herself in, checking the room with a quick glance. He was now thanking himself that he had decided to clean up a little bit yesterday so there weren't pills or crack anymore. Though he had to admit she wouldn't have been that scared. She seemed used to be around pretty fucked up stuffs too.

He nodded towards the bathroom so she could wash off the dirt a little bit. Her eyes weren't sad anymore but instead full of something he took as thankfulness. She had the most expressive eyes he'd seen in his life; even Freddie's couldn't beat hers. But he had bitterly noticed she was also able to shut down any emotion when she decided.

As he heard clothes touching the floor then water flowed, he figured out she was probably hungry. As paradoxical it could be his name hasn't anything to do with food skills. He admitted though he could do pastas and started "cooking" when he heard her bark.

"Putain de connard de mes deux ! " it wasn't the prettiest words he'd heard her say with her beautiful accent but he still felt the little bulk rise up again between his legs. Each time she'd spoken French with her soft cracked voice he'd got hard. But by the hearing of it now something was wrong.

"Everything's alright in there?" He sounded so much like Freddie he couldn't help rolling his eyes.

"This fucking prick cut in my tattoo with his fucking bony hands, now it's gonna get me fucking hell long before it healed and it won't even look fucking good after that!" She shouted through the door. 'Lots of fucking' he grinned.

"So you got a tattoo?" She stormed off the tiny bathroom, sending thunders through her hazel eyes.

"What? You thought you were the only one?" She snapped, softening her voice a little as he offered her one of his jackets. He noticed that she'd taken one of his shirts, which covered partially her sculpted legs just above mid thigh.  
He felt himself hardened a little more as she was now drying her hair in the towel, letting him catch a sweet view of her pink cotton panties.

He chuckled "you saw it! What did you think?" He couldn't help smirking.

"Of course I saw _it_: all the goddamn school saw it. You really don't care about anything, do you?"  
He simply shook his head.

"Look, I made pastas but if you just can't bear to eat with me and my arrogance, you are well ple-" he had to stop mid sentence for she had already eaten half of her plate.

When they finished their dishes, which were almost as good as heaven (which she always thought would feel like a little mix of pills of her own fabrication), Alice cleaned up their plates and let them dry on the sink.

"So, mind if I take a look at your tats?" He yawned, rubbing his hand over his belly. Her eyes were wide opened and her face must have been redder than ever 'cause when he saw her it hit him how this had looked like.

"Tattoos! Your tattoos! I want to watch how bad the injury is!" He quickly corrected himself, a huge ear to ear smile on his face.

She felt herself cool off a little bit as she got close. She sat down where he was patting the bed softly. She grabbed her shirt; well his actually as it was the only thing she had managed to find that weren't totally outrageous. She tucked it up slowly, revealing the complex pattern of flowers that covered the entire right side of her body. The stems started low down her hip, actually pointing at her inner thigh, and the roses were crawling up on her ribs, interlacing while disappearing somewhere down her boobs. She had noticed that the bruises showing up had colored a little the petals but she couldn't stand that actually one of her cuts had stretched out her skin, right in the middle of one of the gorgeous flowers. She suddenly felt something hot on her skin and she jumped off, losing the grip on her shirt.

* * *

He couldn't stop his hand to reach out for her. He had to touch it. Those flowers were definitely the most beautiful inked art he had seen by now. When his fingers connected with her soft skin he found her started at the feeling but she didn't move away when he let his hand rest on her ribs. They were the most sensitive part of the body for a tattoo. When he got his cross he'd been near to let out a tear, but that he would never admit it though Freddie had probably saw him wiped away any 'speck of dust' he had in the eye. That made him think to tell her what, he thought, would reassure her. He reluctantly took his hand off her now warm skin.

"I've had a pretty bad knife injury, once" he started revealing his own ribs and the cross on it. "It took his time to recover completely but now it's all brand new! Don't worry, from what I've seen, you should be fine" she was now focused on his tattoo, nodding when she spotted the little scar under it.

"By the way, it's a fucking piece of art you got over there" he said while surveying her right side ribs, hoping she would show him her soft skin again but instead she turned her back to him. She grabbed the bottom of her T-shirt, revealing another tattoo right above her buttocks. This was a little girl seen from behind, walking a dark path when showing her back to the world. He tried to remember where he'd seen it already but she answered him before he could even ask.

"It's from Alice in Wonderland. Actually, all of my tattoos are." He shivered to the thought of more ink hiding on her body but she kept talking.

"I like to think that this girl is kinda like me. You know.. Lost in a world she accidentally felt in, hoping to wake up but only sinking further." Her smile showed up eventually, not reaching her eyes though.

"At least it ends well I guess, I'm just hoping myself for my own happy ending" she added with a tired tone as she let her head rest on Cook's chest who had remained still. One single tear rolled down her cheek, disappearing down her throat as fast as it had come. She was thankful for the fact he had not tried to know more. 'Maybe I'll tell him, eventually' she thought. Just not tonight. Tonight she only needed to sleep.

And that's what she did, drowning completely into his protective arms while he cradled her. She didn't felt him carry her under the sheets, nor going out of the room, letting her rest while he was heading to his and his mate spot, not without glancing at her as she was plunging her head in the bed's sheets, in his bed.

* * *

**Okay so that's it for tonight, sweet dreams little Alice. I just need to make things clear for they aren't quite enough to my opinion:**  
**\- when I wrote in bold characters, those are my author's notes****\- every time I put a line (except at the beginning and the end to seperate the AN from the text) it signals a new POV. For example here it has alternated between Cook's and Alice's but the text in the dialogue usually gives you a clue. But now you'll see it right away. **

**I hope you enjoyed this one, bisous de France! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey there, so I've wanted to try something here. The title is one of the music from the Tim Burton's movie Alice in Wonderland (2010). I think the melody embodies perfectly the last moment in this chapter so I'll give you a hint where to listen to it in your reading. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy and please review :) Bisous de France !**

**And a special thank you to Superdani4Ever I'm glad you like the story and your comments really motivated me to write more so merci beaucoup! **

**PS: ****I don't own the characters nor the story of 'Skins' but I do own mine (Alice and her story) so that's it. And it applies to the whole story. (blah blah blah) **

* * *

**-Little Alice-**

_Poc... Poc... Poc..._

He saw movement above his head but that was already too late.

"Aw! Man what are you doing?" He had thrown a little stone right in the face of his best mate, as he opened the window.

"Need you. The shed, now." He simply said, already walking towards their place.

"Uh you do realize it's 3 in the morning?" Freddie yawned.

"Since when do you care?" Cook said loudly over his shoulder.

"Okay okay I'm coming! Just.. Be quiet!" Freddie whispered and screamed at the same time.

Cook entered the shed. It had been their den since forever. They had done everything in here. The three musketeers: JJ, Freddie and him. From discovering porn magazines to ending parties and a lot of spliffs, he wondered how this place hadn't been burnt or destroyed already. Man it had seen a lot. He was interrupted thinking by a still sleepy Freddie in a peignoir.

"So what's up ?" He asked, falling in the old armchair.

"What, can't a guy see his best mate and share a spliff at 3 am? " Cook smirked while lighting his joint.

"Sure, but you said you needed me" Freddie continued, stretching his arm to take it before inhaling the smoke.

"Yeah, remember the French girl?" Cook started, already feeling uncomfortable thinking of her pretty face covered in blood.

"Yes ?"

"Well she called me this afternoon, she said she was in trouble so I came and some guys were beating the shit out of her." He was now trembling a little, his eyes veiled by rage.

He still kept talking "I swear I was going to kill them but she was about to pass out so after helping her, I walked her back to her home..." He stopped, remembering what he'd seen in that shitty place.

"And ?" Freddy asked cautiously, his voice cracking down a little because of his early waking and what he'd just heard.

"She doesn't have one. She lives in a fucking shed, twice smaller than this one !" He was shouting now, releasing all the anger he had stored since he'd found her lain dying in her own blood.

"What ? You serious? Where is she now" Freddie panicked, realizing what he'd just said.

"She's sleeping in my room. She's gonna stay there until I figure out something cause there is no fucking way she goes back." Cook concluded, comforting himself thinking of her under the sheets, sound asleep.

"Well she could always ask the school, they keep spare rooms for teachers and administration I think." Freddie proposed, finishing his spliff.

"Yeah I guess we could try that, but I have the feeling it's not going to be easy to talk her into asking for help..." He said thoughtful.

* * *

After what felt like hours, she finally emerged from her deep sleep. She had always been a heavy sleeper but since she had arrived in England she would always wake up at any noise, and having to hide in an almost open air shed wasn't helping at all. She opened her eyes and realized there was no one else in the room. She looked at the clock and frowned when she saw that it was almost 4:30. Where could he be? It's not like he would mind to sleep in the same bed, would he? She had taken enough of his time and attention. After all it wasn't like they knew each other or something...

She had resolved to leave when she heard footsteps in the corridor. She sat back on the bed while he was grumbling, probably struggling with his keys like earlier. When he finally got in he was surprised to find her awake. And dressed. And with her bag on her shoulder. He raised his eyebrows.

"You're going somewhere?" He asked patiently.

She didn't know what to say and only sticked with a stupid "I gotta go". As he remained silent she took this at her key to leave and tried to bypass him but he was blocking the entrance with his large shoulders.

* * *

"You're going nowhere till we figure out where you gonna live." he remained calm, not wanting to scare her.

"I already ha-" she began but he shut the door.

"End of discussion" great now he definitely sounded like he was keeping her locked up or something but surprisingly she just sighed and dropped her bag.

"Okay... Till we figure out something" she gave up, but deep down she was very happy she could finally rest a little. Not that she deserved it though she thought.

He lay on the bed, crawling under the sheets. He waited for her to come but as she remained still he frowned.

"If you're gonna stay up all night, could you at least switch off the light please?" He teased her but as she did it, she stayed by the door. He didn't think she wanted to escape so he didn't see what the problem was. They could share a bed without jumping on each other, couldn't they? Though he realized he had never shared a bed with a girl and only sleep.

* * *

**Little Alice - Danny Elfman**

* * *

Finally she made herself a reason and joined him, after getting rid of her jeans. She had so fucking amazing legs he couldn't help watching.  
He felt her tiny body rolled up, surely to keep her warm. Her scent was everywhere around him. He felt like he was lying on a bed of roses. She definitely matched her tattoos.

He felt the same urge to touch her he had earlier, thinking of all this ink on her ribs and reached his hand to grab her waist while he put her closer. She didn't say anything, probably already asleep. When she shivered he thought he had hurt her so he moved back his hand. He suddenly felt something cold grabbing his fingers and put them back in place.

"I'm cold" she simply whispered.

He took this as the hint to pull her closer and she sighed with content, partially asleep already. She only had time to hear him whisper, his breathe tinkling the skin behind her ear.

"You're safe now sleep my pretty little Alice. It's not wonderland but we'll make it work."

She felt his lips stretch in a smile on top of her head and she shivered one more time before falling asleep. She loved the way he said her name.

* * *

**Sweet melody... I love it :) So that's it for today but there is definitely more coming ;) Tell me if you like the music/reading thing or if it's not necessary.  
**

**Bonne journée tout le monde !**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey there, I really really really wanted to put the first music with the first part cause I love it and it's from the only episode where Cook is actually making love not having sex (if you see what I mean). I felt obliged to put music with the other parts but I'm not so satisfied so it doesn't really matter if you listen or not. Just listen the first one please, and review :) Bisous de France!**

**PS: ****I don't own the characters nor the story of 'Skins' but I do own mine (Alice and her story) so that's it. And it applies to the whole story. (blah blah blah) **

* * *

**-Come closer I don't bite-**

**Music: One Father, Another – Parenthetical Girls**

In the night, she had turned over, looking for warmness and in the morning her legs were completely winded around his right thigh. She had caught his shirt in her tiny fists and her head, placed on his chest, was rising up and down with his breathe. She felt him move a little in a more comfortable position and her right leg felt between his. He hadn't noticed she was awake and growled silently. He gently pushed her leg back in place while tucking on his short, trying to hide the now evident bulk formed on the top. She smiled, proud to still do some effect. But she stopped, feeling a little blood escape her lip. Great now one of her cuts had opened. This day was going to be so fucking great. She finally moved, signaling him she had woken up.

"Hello France, how are you?" He grinned.

When she looked up she was sucking her lower lip and he grabbed her chin. He gently made her teeth lose their grip and wiped away the blood. His eyes were dark and she shrugged her shoulders.

"We should get ready, what time is it?" she avoided the subject.

"Well it must be 9 in the morning by now, you sleep like a fucking log" He chuckled and her head trembled a little at this lovely sound.

"Uh? What did you call me?" She replied like daring him to say it again.

"Oh no, French misunderstood you pretty face, just said you had some heavy sleep" His chest was now shaking hard and she couldn't help smiling. Yes she had slept 5 hours straight, in his warm arms. Wait what? She then straightened all of a sudden.

"Hey what is that for? I was joking!" he smirked. She winced for the too quick raising. Her body wasn't pretty to see. She rushed in the bathroom.

"Why haven't you waked me up? We're so late!" Her voice came through the door she hadn't bothered to shut.

"And? I just couldn't wake up a little princess having sweet dreams. Plus you told me." She stopped in her way to brush her hair and walked backwards.

"Wait what did I said?" her voice was a little too shrill than usual.

"Nothing you just kept saying:"Non, non, stop, arrête!" and things that I haven't understood" he said with such a good accent she could pictured the scene all over again.

There it was, in front of her eyes. She could see the mountains through the wind shield. The air was blowing in her hair and suddenly all had gone black. Those four words had echoed in her mind since then, trapping her mother's panic and the scream of her father.

Cook only saw two tears rolling down her cheeks and crashing to the ground. When he looked up, she had already replaced them with a smile. It didn't reach her eyes though.

"We gotta go" she said. As usual he thought. But he didn't want to upset her more so he gave in her command.

* * *

**Optimo – Liquid Liquid**

* * *

It had been a good idea to arrive a bit later. There was no one to be seen in the corridor and she had some time to arrange her makeup. With a ton of foundation and a skilled brushwork, the bruises were partially covered so it wasn't that obvious. She had painted her lips red and this had seemed to please Cook who had kept looking at her with dark eyes.

She closed her locker and headed for her last but one class in the morning, for she had missed the first two. Fortunately she had Politics with Kieran now. That wouldn't be too hard to start, she hoped. He had not showed much interest in his students yesterday so she didn't see why it should have changed over a night.

When the bell rang, she had taken back all that she had thought. Boy it was difficult! Kieran was actually a good teacher, in his way. He was interested in his subject, not bothering much with the bunch of guys in front of him though. Anyway, it had done a great job taking all the bad thoughts away. In the corridor, she saw Effy walking towards her. Oh crap…

"Hey, where were you?" she asked with kind eyes.

"Uh, haven't heard my alarm" she answered, hiding the best she could the bruises on her face. Effy took a lock of hair between her fingers and gently placed it behind Alice's ear revealing the cuts on her cheekbone. She didn't seemed quite surprise though, scrutinizing her face while her eyebrows furrowed.

"What happened?"

"Nothing… It's a long story" she dodged the issue, avoiding her piercing eyes.

"I've got plenty of time" she said as she grabbed her arm, not tight enough to hurt her but still pulling her out of the corridor.

"Effy I can't! I already missed 2 hours this morning" she protested, not really convinced.

"And?" Effy shrugged as she opened the glass exit door.

Alice had always been rather good with argumentation but it was more difficult in a foreign language. And it was pointless for the girl was as stubborn as a mule. So she gave up and sat outside with the insistent brunette.

* * *

**Liberation Begins – A.R. Rahman (this scene is actually really tensed, not funny-smiley at all)**

* * *

After 2 cigarettes and 30 minutes talking she had gone through the whole story, since 6pm yesterday till the very last minute for Effy wanted to know every detail. She hadn't said a thing during the aggression part, but Alice noticed that she had frowned when she had mentioned where she had slept. Though she had not specified the 'in his arms' location, it had still upset her and she wasn't sure why.

Then Effy's gaze stopped on her arm. She reached her hand towards her and tucked her sleeve up to reveal the 10 little numbers he had written back this morning, on the very same spot.

"So you're gonna keep that on you all the time? Like some dog identification tattoos? She ranted. Wow that was harsh. Alice remained calm, not wanting to bring up a fight.

"Um, I don't think I have much of a choice here..." she fumbled, smiling a little as she thought about Cook' stubbornness.

"I mean, aren't you able to take care of yourself on your own?" She snapped. Alice didn't see why she had to be so bitchy about the all thing. After all, they hadn't slept together. Well they had but not in that way and she hadn't told her the 'fell asleep in his arms' part.

"Of course I am! But the thing is, I still don't know where I'm gonna sleep tonight cause I won't go back to the shed that's for sure." She hoped she hadn't upset her anymore. Effy relaxed and put a wide smile on her lips.

"You'll stay at my place! You'll be much better. You know I just worry about you, it must be tough to be here all alone and you have to know that Cook isn't a guy you want to stay around. He'll only get you problems and I don't think you can handle any more in here" she pointed at Alice's chest.

The latter was giving her a confused look. Why would she say that? After all, wasn't she the one who had banged him less than 24 hours ago? She was still trying to figure out what to think about that when someone put her up on her feet.

"So as I see you young ladies aren't in class you should have no problem following me?" For a second she thought they had been caught by a teacher or something like that. She immediately recognized the voice.

* * *

**Who could this be? We'll see that next time. So as you must have noticed, Alice has some kind of troubled past, but don't worry it is all set in my head, just waiting to be written ;) I wasn't really sure with this chapter but the music has done great emphasizing the Cook/Alice's part :) Bisous! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey there, long one long one long one ! well at least longer than usual ! hope you'll like it, I actually could have split it in different chapters but I thought what's the use to make people wait if you're gonna update it anyway! So here it is! BTW, the title is a reference to the beautiful Skylar Grey's song "Words". I knew the featuring with Lupe Fiasco but I found out the original record and I'm in love with this song: it matches exactly the whole story I'm building with Alice's character! About her past life and what she would have liked to say, should have said. And it's a great song. So have a good reading :) Bisous de France! **

**PS: ****I don't own the characters nor the story of 'Skins' but I do own mine (Alice and her story) so that's it. And it applies to the whole story. (blah blah blah) **

* * *

**-Words -**

"Why do you never tell me when you skip class, I had the most boring time in Maths!" Panda yawned as if to make her point. She felt bad for the girl.

"It's kinda my fault, I needed a break and to talk to someone but you weren't anywhere near I'm sorry" she apologized. Panda nodded with a smile.

"Yeah whatever, where are we going?" She asked as she played with the bottom of her dress.

"The pub!" Alice heard a deep voice and saw an arm on her shoulders. She didn't know what game they were playing together but she wasn't going to participate. She pretended to rearrange her hair and pushed back his arm, under Cook's confused eyes and Effy's approving look. She was so sick of it all.

At the bar she had darted to the wall seat so she would be far away from the couple. She had managed to get Freddie to sit on her left so she was stuck between him and only the wall. Perfect! He winked at her with a genuine smile just as if he saw too how ridiculous was the situation. When she escaped from his warm gaze she noticed two pair of eyes on her. Effy was glaring at her. What had she done wrong?! She'd let her sit by Cook, not saying a damn thing, not that she could have though. And still the tension was here.

Then she saw Cook staring at her, half confused half mad. She felt uncomfortable with all the attention and decided to concentrate on JJ in front of her.

"How 'bout a magic trick? Let's put a smile on that face!" He smiled at her with happy puppy eyes.

"You're a magician?" She had always been impressed by these guys. By magician she meant a real one not her crappy uncle who managed to fail the same old trick after all these years.

"Yes!"He proudly nodded. "Pick a card" he said now very serious.

During his little show, she was so fascinated by what he was doing that she had not noticed the few people gathered next to their table. They were staring at them but she only was looking at JJ, amazed by how good he was. In the few minutes he had burnt his wallet, made water come out of his ears and even turned wine into fucking water! The guy must be related to Jesus or something 'cause he was goddamn talented!

"Man you're sick! You're a total genius I swear! I mean look at him! "She turned to Freddie. He had an amused look on his face.

"Aren't he freaking talented?!" She grinned as she pushed gently his arm to make him react.

"Yeah that's my boy!" Cook said from the other end of the table.

* * *

He had watched the entire scene, but not JJ. He was trying to understand what he could have said or done wrong that made her freak out. She excused herself as she got up and began walking to the exit door. He took it as his best shot to have a little explanation with the girl. He followed her outside leaving an angry Effy behind but he couldn't care less.

He stepped outside and saw her having a smoke, sitting by the wall, staring into space. He watched her attentively. She hadn't seen him yet. Her shoulders were sagged as if carrying a really heavy weight. She was tapping her hands on her knees, having deep drags. She was definitely pissed off about something. He instantly thought about Effy but then put her in the back of his mind, shaking his head as he tried to make her leave the place.

He slowly got closer to the little angry thing and made enough noise walking for her to hear him come. Yet when he sat down she thrilled a little. She seemed to always be on edge, on the verge of standing up as fast as she could. But he started talking before she could even think of leaving.

"What's up? Are you upset or something?" He was now testing the waters, glancing at her as if he didn't want to scare her. He had never acted like this with a girl. Or anyone. Usually he would only act cocky around her until she'd let him have her but he never bothered much with troubled girls. But with Alice, he felt the responsibility to protect her, to repair her the best he could and never let anyone break her again. She finally spoke, well she sort of grumbled and shook her head, looking at the floor. She wouldn't look at him either.

"Why did you come?" She said with sad eyes, finally looking up. He had expected her to be a little harsh but that was still painful.

"Uh... To come check out if you were ok but if you don't want me here I'll just go" he said pissed off as he stood up. She suddenly grabbed his elbow and made him sit down.

"No I mean the other day! Why did you bother coming rescuing a girl you barely knew who just told you she was in trouble when clearly you could have enjoyed some more sex, spliff or party instead? Why did you come?" He understood now that she wasn't staring into space, at all. Her glaze was set on the very same place he had found her lying down the day before.

"Because... Somehow I care about you... I didn't want your pretty face to be in trouble in any way." He explained simply. He was being sincere, he had cared about her a lot more than he should have considering the fact they had only spoke twice, and he had been rejected twice. That didn't happen often. Well that had never happened actually. If a girl told him no, he would just move on to another one, preferably her friend or sister. He had never tried twice the same girl and had not event considered asking one out three times as he was certainly going to do.

"Oh ... Ok. I'm sorry… I think I'm not really used to guys caring for me. But it's nice, thank you" she said letting her head rest on his shoulder.

"And you know... I definitely wouldn't have had any chance to hook up with you if I hadn't." He added with a giant grin. He still had a reputation to hold on to! She smacked his shoulder chuckling softly.

"Shut up!" She teased him while grabbing his arm and pulling him so he would stand up. He let her do and stood up. But as she was leading him to the bar he placed a hand on her waist and spun her round.

"You know…" he started cautiously, looking for his words.

"Yeah?" She smiled at him kindly.

"You know I got your back. You know you can trust me right? If you need anything, or talk maybe?" He scratched the back of his head. He wasn't really good for those stuffs but all he wanted was to let her know he wasn't a total douche bag.

"Yes I do, I appreciate that thanks. Oh and guess what, Effy has offered me to stay at her place tonight" she said as he frowned. He would have preferred her to stay with him. His jaw clenched as he nodded briefly. Why was he so tensed? She wasn't his damn property! But as he was growling in his mind, he put a hand on her back and entered the bar again with her close to him.

* * *

They had left the bar later on the afternoon, missing their Literature class but she didn't really mind at this point. They arrived at Effy's and she led her to a bedroom, where Alice was about to sleep she supposed. It was her brother's old bedroom apparently. She didn't ask much as she saw Effy's jaw clenched when saying his name. Tony. It wasn't her business and she'd know eventually, when Effy would be ready to tell her. She sat on the bed and heard a phone ring. It was Effy's. She saw her frown as she picked it up.

"Yes?" She heard a deep voice.

"Yes she's okay, we goddamn left two hours ago relax fuck" she said obviously pissed off.

"Who was it?" Alice said innocently when she had definitely recognized the voice.

"Oh gosh he really can't let you live for a minute" Effy simply sighed, looking at Alice's forearm.

"Um.. Well for tonight he'll have to cause it'll be just you and me alright?" She extended her hand, expecting the girl to give her a high five but instead she took it and led her to her bedroom.

"Deal. But now we have to find you an outfit cause there is no way we're going out like _this_" she opened her cupboard, full of really gorgeous clothes.

"Out? Where?" She raised her eyebrow both puzzled by what she'd said and wondering what was wrong with her current outfit. Okay the 'have ran away and sleep in a shed' look didn't really suit her but still.

"Anywhere, we'll see" she took a dark purple dress, short enough to see the top of her thighs, just as the one she was wearing the day before, Alice noticed.

Her own heart set on a black and gold top and a mini short revealing her long bronzed legs. They had been spared during the "Foursome meeting" though she had a deep cut right above the knee that would last long before healing entirely.

Somehow she had missed the parties and tonight, she was more than ever ready to welcome the old her. At least the good part about her. The girl who liked to party hard, fly high and give one hell of a good time to some boys.

"You're ready?" Effy smirked. Alice smiled at the double meaning of it.

"You know it" she beamed. They were glowing and about to go amazing.

There was a huge queue in front of the club. When the girls passed along a hundred glares, Alice couldn't be more excited. Her body was starting to respond to the music beats pumping through the floor. 'Some things can't be forgotten' she guessed. Effy waved at some guy and a second later they were inside. The sound was louder than ever and she trembled with pleasure. This night was going to be epic.

They started to dance through the crowd. Effy signaled to her she was going to get some drugs. Alice nodded while some guy came and started to spin her round like a ballerina. She was beaming and laughing. The boy was pretty cute so why not. A minute later his hands were on her back, way too low for a proper lady but fortunately, she wasn't. She felt Effy's hand grab her arm and heard her over the music.

"Look what I found" she was expecting MDMA or anything to get high but definitely not a pair of reddish looking absolutely high at her.

"Oh hey it's Emily right?" It was difficult to recognize who was who, especially in a crowded club but the clothing surely gave her a hint. One of them had a knee-lenght blue skirt with a black top and a cardigan whereas Alice had difficulties to find the clothing part on the other. Let's just say there wasn't enough of it.

"Yes" she timidly said. She seemed to be so sweet but didn't speak much.

"And I'm Katie! I'm so happy to meet you finally! I've never had a French friend that's so cool! You so have to tell me: the French boys they're hot, aren't they? We're so gonna be BFF!" Alice looked desperately at Effy. Katie couldn't stop talking, she thought Panda was a chatter well it was nothing compared to Katie the Tornado! Effy seemed to get the message 'cause soon enough she grabbed her arm and pulled her through the dance floor and in a corridor.

"Thanks, I owe you one" She sighed in relief.

"Anytime!" she winked at her. Effy looked like her on so many levels it was disturbing. She really enjoyed being with her and it seemed reciprocal... At least when the boys weren't around.

"Well now let's have some real fun" she grinned giving her a blue pill as she swallowed one.

"Ecsta?" She nodded so Alice took it right away.

"Let's get this party started!" She said now grabbing the girl's arm for once.

On the dance floor, she started to feel the effects: the music was beating deep down her body, it seemed that her heart was giving the tempo, the lights danced around her and she moved frantically, smiling and laughing with her friend. Suddenly the cute boy was again with her. He obviously had taken something too. He cupped her cheek and started kissing her furiously. She didn't respond at first, taken aback, but soon enough she let him kissed deeper and pressed her lips against his harder. An idea came through her mind. She was wondering what it would be like to kiss _him_. She imagined blue eyes and felt a Cheshire cat grin against her lips and felt the urge to check on the boy to see if she wasn't just dreaming. She was surprised because when she looked up, she caught something in the corner of her eyes. Blue eyes. But nothing close to a grin. There he was looking at her like he'd seen a ghost. She broke the kiss, leaving a confused blond as she headed to the boys. She had never really fallen for blonds anyway.

"Hey Alice you're alone? Well obviously no but I mean you came alone?" JJ asked her, despair in his eyes.

"No I came with Effy. And obviously no I'm not alone, now I'm with you" she replied amused.

"Don't bother with us, keep enjoying the party" Cook snapped and pursed his lips.

"I am, thank you" she grabbed his hand and pulled him closer, dancing in front of him, suggesting him to do the same. She hadn't replied to his remark and contented herself with smiling like nothing had happened. Actually being high was helping a lot and she almost wasn't pretending at all.

She hadn't seen Freddie around but as JJ walked through the crowd with a determined look she assumed he was somewhere around. She concentrated again on Cook, who hadn't moved away but still wasn't dancing.

"Hey." She said, loud enough for him to hear but he ignored her.

"Hey!" She waved her hand in front of him but then again, no reaction.

She cupped his cheek, her fingers in his light brown hair, and forced him to look at her.

"Hey" she gave him a soft smile and innocent eyes. She was trying to get a reaction there and he wasn't really cooperative. She thought about her brother and his typical behavior. He would always do this to upset her and she had learned the rules to this little game.

"Hm" he nodded briefly at her. She looked at him with puppy eyes and tried again.

"You've been here for long?" She asked him cautiously, putting out feelers to him.

"Long enough." His jaw clenched.

"You wanna talk or something?" She frowned. She didn't like to see him mad like this and especially at her but she had no clue what to do to ease the situation.

He pulled her closer, her back on his chest and pushed her through the crowd, toward the corridor Effy and she had been earlier. But instead of stopping when they were out of the loud and oppressive atmosphere, he pinned her against the wall, his hands on it, on either side of her shoulders. She wasn't feeling at ease at all but let him going on with whatever he had to prove to her.

"I want to know." He was now trying to catch her glaze but she was the one avoiding his this time. She knew too well where this conversation was going and she wouldn't keep from bursting into tears for long.

"I don't know what you're talking about Cook, look I have to find Effy we have to go home." She replied innocently, desperate for the girl to come save her once again from a discussion she'd rather not have, at least not now as she wasn't in complete possession of her capacities.

"I'm not saying you have to tell me now, but just know ... that I want to know." He totally ignored her pathetic attempt to save her ass. She sighed, still looking away.

"Drop it. _Please_." Her knees were clashing hard and she was trying her best to control the trembling. He leaned into her and she felt his piercing eyes burning her skin.

"No. I want to understand why you act like this. You've suffered in the past that's for sure, but _yet_ here you are, kissing the crap out of some random lad you _fucking_ don't know. You play tough when around people but _yet_ you're covered with _fucking_ bruises and cuts tonight. You pretend to be all secure and everything but _yet_ you are _fucking _crying right now. You need to tell me, and that, you know." His tone wasn't mean. He had just flung the shitty reality right in her face, pointing out the very details that made her feel like crap and she'd have rather take a slap than having to face it.

She wasn't ready to tell him. She barely knew the guy. Talk about secure, what game was _HE _playing. He acted like he was some badass, always grinning and joking but she could tell something was off with him. She wanted to scream everything on her mind but her no word came out of her mouth. She stood there, getting lost in his dark pupils as their breathes were mixing up together. His nose was now a few inches from her face and anyone walking through the corridor right now would have thought they were about to kiss. Yet the two of them knew goddamn well this wasn't going to happen. He was too angry at her at the moment and she was trying to make her brain work again so she would come out with a sharp answer.

Why the hell should she even bother talking to him? Her brain obviously wasn't here anymore, she had probably left it somewhere near the dance floor, and that was now her anger talking. She didn't owe him a thing. Well except for her life. And a roof on her head yesterday. And attention which she had not had much for a long time. But yet, she would make it up to him in any other way but this one. He had no right to tell her what to do. No one had ever had. Still not knowing how to break the awkward moment, a voice bursting in the corridor helped her out.

"Get off her Cook, we're leaving." Effy said flatly, staring right back at Cook who had lifted up his head toward the brunette.

Alice took advantage of his brief unguarded moment to sneak down under his arm and join Effy. She only had a second to see the defeated look on his face before Effy pulled her out of the corridor and, soon enough, out of the club.

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**So that's the end of this long chapter. A lot happened but yet, no words have been said yet about her past story, but I have the feeling it should come out soon, one way or another… Check it up soon!**

**Ps: I've hide (not really well though) one quote from one of my favorite actors, let me know if you saw it ;) Bisous! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey there, I finally had the inspiration and the guts to explain part of Alice's story. It's a harsh story so I prefer to warn you: there are violence and "blood" descriptions that may be disturbing. So rated M, I guess, to be careful. And for the French readers over here, I had previously written the first part in French so I decided to post it but don't worry, I've translated it after. It's just in case you want to have a look. Be careful the end is after the English part so check it out.  
**

**Please review ! :)**

**There will be more about Alice later… Bisous de France ! :) **

**PS: ****I don't own the characters nor the story of 'Skins' but I do own mine (Alice and her story) so that's it. And it applies to the whole story. (blah blah blah)**

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**-Nuit noire-**

**FRENCH (English part below)**

_5 heures maintenant que l'asphalte se déroulait sous les roues de la voiture. L'air était sec et le vent soufflait dans ses cheveux mais elle s'en fichait. Elle ne pouvait détacher son regard du paysage qu'elle laissait derrière elle. Les larmes avaient séché sur son visage, traçant deux sillons bien nets le long de ses joues. Ses paupières étaient aussi noires que la nuit, contrastant avec ses prunelles mordorées. Son maquillage charbonneux lui donnait cette intensité dramatique, qui la définissait parfaitement dans sa manière d'être. Elle était dramatique. _

_Elle ne se rappelait pas quand sa vie était devenue un tel foutoir. En fait si, elle se souvenait parfaitement de ce moment. Elle ne parviendrait jamais à effacer l'image de son visage, entre ses mains, alors qu'elle lui criait de se réveiller. Son visage si doux entre ses petites mains. Ses yeux étaient clos, comme quand elle lui faisait une blague et criait d'un coup pour lui faire peur. Elle avait rigolé en voyant tout ce que sa sœur avait préparé pour elle. Alors que sa grand-mère l'avait déposée plus tôt chez elle en rentrant de l'école, elle l'avait trouvé allongée par terre, au milieu d'un tas de bouteilles vides et de petits trucs avec des aiguilles comme pour jouer au docteur. Elle avait toujours aimé jouer avec elle au docteur mais elle n'avait jamais apporté des vrais jouets. Toute excitée elle lui avait sauté dessus, surprise de ne pas la voir bouger. Elle jouait vachement bien la comédie ! En continuant de rigoler, elle lui avait dit qu'elle pouvait se réveiller, que c'était plus drôle, et prenant sa tête entre ses mains elle avait écarté les mèches qui barraient son visage et découvert deux filets rouges s'échappant de son nez. La secouant un petit peu elle l'avait appelé une première fois. Puis une deuxième fois, lui serrant la main. Ce n'est que lorsqu'elle avait senti les mains de son père lui attraper la taille et l'arracher à son corps, qu'elle s'était rendue compte qu'elle criait. Elle avait 7 ans quand sa sœur est morte. Et à 7 ans, la petite fille innocente et joyeuse qu'elle avait été jusqu'à présent était morte avec elle. _

_Son regard perdu dans les montagnes qui se découpaient dans le ciel bleu, elle pensa : oui, je crois que c'est à ce moment-là que tout est parti en couilles. Son père la tira de ses pensées._

_« Ferme cette fenêtre, ton frère va être malade. » Il n'avait jamais été crédible en « père autoritaire ». Non c'était définitivement sa mère qui fixait les règles dans la maison. _

_Elle roula les yeux au ciel, mais obéit tout de même, déjà assez dans la merde pour en rajouter. C'était l'été et la température dans le véhicule était aussi haute que la tension était palpable mais son frère était plus fragile que les autres garçons de son âge. A seulement 2 semaines il avait failli mourir d'une infection pulmonaire et depuis, ses poumons n'avaient jamais vraiment fonctionné normalement. On s'y habituait néanmoins. Il fallait juste penser à certains gestes comme par exemple ne pas fumer près de lui, le garder dans un environnement sain et le moins toxique possible et garder ces putains de fenêtres fermées même par 40°C à l'ombre._

_Malgré ses mauvaises habitudes elle avait toujours réussi à le garder loin de tout ça. Elle tenait à son petit frère comme à la prunelle de ses yeux et le protégeait du tourbillon d'emmerdes qu'était devenue sa vie. Tourbillon qui d'ailleurs était la cause de leur soudain départ vers le sud. Pour faire court, elle s'était entourée des mauvaises personnes, avaient fréquenté les mauvais endroits, ce qui l'avait inévitablement conduite à consommer les mauvaises choses. Et quand elle disait choses elle parlait aussi bien de drogues que de personnes. Si vous voyez ce que je veux dire. Dans un certain sens c'était amusant : alors qu'elle avait été la cause de sa descente aux enfers, de sa chute sans fin dans le terrier du lapin, Alice tendait à ressembler de plus en plus à sa sœur. Quel modèle. Mais elle comprenait à présent comment on pouvait en arriver là. Quand plus personne ne pouvait plus vous atteindre, que vous étiez loin, trop profondément perdue et que plus personne ne vous voyait, la drogue était le meilleur moyen de se sentir vivant à nouveau. Enfin c'est ce qu'elle avait pensé jusque là. Quelle conne !_

_ 9 ans 9 mois 9 jours qu'elle l'avait trouvée là, gisant sur le sol, une seringue plantée dans le bras. Apparemment le destin avait voulu que son « chiffre du malheur » soit l'inversion du vrai. Elle n'était qu'une putain d'inversion après tout. Et c'était aujourd'hui que le destin avait décidé de prendre les choses en mains. Ses parents n'arrivant plus à la gérer avait cru bon de l'éloigner de toutes les « mauvaises influences ». Ils n'arrivaient pas à comprendre que la mauvaise influence dans son groupe d'amis c'était elle. Certes au début on l'avait initié. On lui avait fait découvrir combien elle était passée à côté des réelles sensations de la vie. Mais une fois l'initiation passé, elle était passée maître dans l'art de se foutre dans la merde. Non pas qu'elle en ait quelque chose à foutre cependant. Tant qu'elle pouvait un peu diminuer sa peine, elle était prête à tout._

_« Tu te rends compte de tout ce que tu nous fais faire ? » Et voilà, encore le même refrain. Sa mère n'avait pas arrêté de tout le voyage, lui rappelant que tout était sa faute, qu'elle ne causait que des problèmes autour d'elle et demandait ce qu'ils avaient fait pour mériter ça. _

_Au fond d'elle, Alice savait très bien qu'ils n'y étaient pour rien dans la mort de sa sœur. Ils étaient la famille la plus aimante du monde et n'avaient vu que trop tard à quel point leur fille était partie en vrille. Mais ils se sentaient coupables de sa mort et depuis, sa mère avait fait vœu de ne plus jamais être aussi aveugle. Et elle avait été inconsolable en voyant sa désormais seule fille suivre le même chemin que son aînée. _

_« Maman pas encore s'il te plait… Je ne vous ai pas forcé à partir. » Elle se contenta de dire, ses yeux toujours rivés sur le paysage._

_« Bien sûr que si ! Tu n'as rien dit mais tu nous l'as fait comprendre. 3 fois on t'a ramassée devant la maison, allongée dans le caniveau. 4 fois on est allés te chercher au commissariat. 5 fois tu as été renvoyée de ton lycée. Et je t'épargne le nombre de fois où j'ai tiré la chasse d'eau sur tes cachets immondes ! Tu n'écoutes personne. Tu ne parles à personne. Tu t'enfermes dans ton monde comme si tu n'existais pas ! Tu n'as pas le droit de nous faire ça ! Tu n'as aucun droit de me faire ça ! » Sa mère était montée dans les aigus si vite que sa voix s'était brisée sur les derniers mots. Elle avait éclaté en sanglots et dans le rétroviseur, Alice voyait ses yeux bouffis et son nez rouge. De toutes les choses qu'elle détestait, la pire était de voir sa mère pleurer. Non, rectification : la pire était de _faire_ pleurer sa mère. Cependant les remarques tranchantes sortaient naturellement de sa bouche, ne pouvant pas les retenir. Elles constituaient la carapace qu'elle s'était construite depuis presque 10 ans. _

_« Je ne te dois rien. Tu m'as donné la vie mais tu me l'as reprise quand elle est morte. Pourquoi tu n'étais pas là ce jour là hein ? Pourquoi tu ne t'es pas occupée d'elle comme tu tentes désespérément de t'occuper de moi maintenant ? Où étais-tu quand ça comptait ? C'est avant que j'avais besoin de toi. J'ai pas besoin de toi maintenant. Tu n'as pas perdu une fille ce jour là, tu nous as perdues toute les deux -» _

_« Alice ! » Son père haussa le ton, incapable de supporter ses paroles blessantes plus longtemps. Elle avait été plus horrible que jamais cette fois. _

_Ce n'était pas elle qui parlait, c'était sa colère. Et sa colère la consumait de l'intérieur. Elle brûlait depuis longtemps et Alice ne voulait personne autour d'elle quand elle exploserait, un jour ou l'autre. Depuis longtemps elle coupait les liens qui la reliaient à ce qu'elle chérissait le plus. Elle était dure envers sa mère pour l'éloigner d'elle. Alice avait perdue tout droit à son attention quand elle avait commencé à déconner. Elle ne pouvait pas lui faire subir ça une nouvelle fois, elle en était consciente. Elle devait l'épargner, tout comme son père et son petit frère. Son grand frère quant à lui avait quitté la maison à 16 ans pour poursuivre ses études à Paris, dans un lycée prestigieux. Il avait toujours veillé sur elle depuis sa naissance. Il la protégeait particulièrement depuis la mort de leur sœur, tentant de la garder à l'écart de tout ce dans quoi elle était finalement tombée. Il avait échoué dans sa mission et s'en voulait depuis, ne la reconnaissant pas. Et elle, se sentait coupable à l'idée que son frère s'accuse de sa dérive. Elle avait choisi cette voie, elle l'assumait. _

_« Tu vas trop loin maintenant ! Je veux que tu t'excuses immédiatement et que tu arrêtes de foutre ta vie –» Son père fut stoppé net. Il s'était tourné vers elle, ses yeux remplis d'un mélange de rage, de tristesse et de … culpabilité ? Seulement, ses yeux, peu importe de quoi ils étaient remplis, n'étaient plus sur la route. _

_« Non ! Non ! Stop ! Arrête ! » Elle avait seulement eu le temps de crier en voyant la voiture se rapprocher dangereusement du camion qui les doublait, le percutant de plein fouet._

_Tout s'arrêta autour d'elle. Le temps d'une seconde, son regard captura cette dernière image de ce qu'était sa famille, presque au complet, dans un état de pure panique. Son petit frère, encore choqué de la dureté de ses mots envers sa mère s'était mis à pleurer. Il n'avait même pas réalisé ce qui était en train de se passer. Son père, toujours tourné vers elle la regardait sans comprendre, mais dans ses yeux elle ne lisait que l'instinct protecteur d'un homme envers ce qu'il a de plus cher. Sa mère agrippait son poignet si fort qu'elle laissait des bleus sur sa peau. Son cri déchirant l'atmosphère glaça le sang d'Alice. Et le temps se remit à couler. La voiture frappa la barrière à pleine vitesse, passant par-dessus et fit plusieurs tonneaux avant de terminer sa course contre les arbres qui longeaient la route._

_Et puis plus rien. _

_L'obscurité autour d'elle l'enveloppait, l'enserrer dans un étau de fer. Elle sentait le sang pulser dans ses veines, si fort qu'elle s'étonnait qu'elles n'aient pas encore éclaté. Pour la première fois, elle ne ressentait rien d'extérieur à son corps. Elle ne savait pas si elle était ensevelie profondément sous des débris ou si elle flottait haut au-dessus du monde. Elle ne sentait pas ses jambes ni ses bras ni rien qui puisse la connecter à la réalité. Elle avait l'impression d'avoir les yeux ouverts et pourtant elle ne voyait rien. Était-elle devenue aveugle ? Était-elle morte ?_

_Son cœur battait fort contre sa cage thoracique. Non elle n'était certainement pas morte. Elle se força à se calmer et à réfléchir, comme après avoir fait un bad trip. Les pieds ? Rien. Les jambes ? Rien. Le ventre ? Rien. La poitrine ? Son cœur. La gorge ? Quelque chose l'étouffait. La bouche ? Un mélange salé et métallique, son sang. Son nez ? Incapable de sentir quoi que ce soit dans toute cette fumée. Ses oreilles ? Un bruit sourd comme un effet Larsen permanent. Ses yeux ? L'obscurité. _

_Soudain le bruit sourd devint plus clair. Plus rythmé. Elle entendait deux notes distinctement. Une sirène. Son esprit était embrouillé mais les sensations lui revenaient petit à petit. Elle sentit des picotements, remonter lentement le long de sa colonne vertébrale. Elle bougea un pied, puis l'autre. Putain elle avait mal. Tant mieux, elle était en vie. Il fallait qu'elle sache. Où étaient-ils ? Il fallait qu'elle les voie, qu'elle les sente près d'elle. Elle força ses yeux à s'ouvrir et ils s'exécutèrent cette fois. Sa vision était brouillée et tout tournait autour d'elle. Elle mit quelques secondes à s'adapter à la situation. La voiture était sur le toit, le pare choc enfoncé profondément contre l'arbre._

_ La première chose qu'elle vit fut son père. Sa tête était inclinée dans un angle anormal, reposant sur un bout déchiré du fauteuil. Il était immobile. Elle cligna des yeux et vit du sang s'échapper de sa gorge, trop de sang. Elle baissa les yeux, incapable de regarder plus longtemps. Les larmes coulaient sur son visage, se mélangeaient avec le sang dans sa bouche, lui laissant un goût d'autant plus amer que sa bile remontait. Les trois liquides dansaient sur ses papilles. Elle ne pouvait pas respirer._

_ Alors que son regard errait, se posant partout sauf là où son père gisait, elle se rendit compte d'une chose plus horrible encore. Sa mère. Sa mère était exactement là où s'appuyait son père, avant l'impact. Et elle réalisa que ce qu'elle avait pris pour un bout de fauteuil n'était autre que le visage défiguré de la femme que son cœur avait toujours porté. Ce fut comme si quelqu'un le lui pressait, lui arrachait. Elle ne pouvait pas penser._

_ Le flot se déversait. Incapable de bouger, elle se contenta de laisser tomber sa tête parterre, au milieu des débris de verre éparpillés sur le plafond de la voiture. Et c'est là qu'elle le vit. Elle vit ce qui la gênait pour respirer. Ce qui n'était rien d'autre qu'un bras, enroulé autour de son cou. Elle ne voyait que ses yeux. Ses yeux grands ouverts. Ses yeux terrorisés. Ses yeux injectés de sang. Les yeux de son petit frère sans vie. Elle ne pouvait plus vivre. _

_Son cœur éclata enfin et son cri brisa tout ce qu'elle avait encore en elle. _

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**Le chapitre n'est pas fini ! la fin est après la partie en anglais (quelle organisation !)**

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**ENGLISH :**

_5 hours now that the asphalt stretched on and on under the car's wheels. The air was dry and the wind was blowing in her hair but she didn't care. She couldn't take her eyes off the landscape she was leaving behind her. The tears had dried on her face, drawing two sharp furrows along her cheeks. Her eyelids were black as night, contrasting with her golden browned pupils. Her smoky eye makeup gave her that dramatic intensity, who defined her so well in her way of being. She was all about drama._

_She couldn't remember when her life had become such a mess. Actually she could, she remembered perfectly this particular moment. She would never get to erase the image of her face, between her hands, while she was shouting her to wake up. Her face was so soft into her tiny little hands. Her eyes were closed, like she ever did when she was about to prank her and scare her with a scream. She had laughed when she'd seen all that her sister had prepared for her. While her grandma had dropped her home earlier after school, she had found her lying on the floor, among a bunch of empty bottles and little stuffs with needles just like when they played doctors. She had always enjoyed playing doctor with her but had never brought actual toys. All very excited, she had jumped on her, surprised not to see her move. She was SO good at acting! Still giggling, she had told her to wake up now, that it wasn't funny anymore, and taking her head with her hands, she had pushed away the locks of hair that hided two blood trickles escaping from her nose. Shaking her a little, she had called her once. Then another time, squeezing her hand. That was only when she had felt her dad's hands grabbing her waist and tearing herself away from her body that she had realized she was now screaming. She was 7 when her sister died. And 7 she was when the little innocent and happy girl she had ever been died with her._

_Her gaze, lost in the mountains which stood out against the blue sky, she thought: yeah, I believe that's from that moment everything went to shit. Her father pulled her out of her thoughts._

"_Ferme cette fenêtre, ton frère va être malade._" [Shut that window, you're brother's gonna get cold_.] He had never been credible as the "authoritarian father". Nope, that was definitely her mother who ruled the house._

_She rolled her eyes, but still obeyed, being too deep in shit already to add some more. It was summer and the temperature in the vehicle was as high as the tension was palpable but her brother was more fragile than the other boys of his age. At the age of 2 weeks only, he had almost died from a lung infection and ever since, his lungs had never really worked well again. You got used to it though. You just had to remind yourself some simple gestures such as not smoking in front of him, keeping him in a healthy and less toxic possible environment and keeping those fucking windows shut even with 40°C outside. _

_Despite her bad lifestyle, she had always managed to keep him away from all of this. Her baby brother was the apple of her eye and she made sure to protect him from the whirl of shit her life had become. A whirl that by the way was the cause of their sudden departure toward south. Long story short, she had hung out with the wrong people, had spent time in the wrong places, which had unavoidably led her to consume the wrong things. And by things she meant drugs but also people. If you know what I mean. In a way it amused her: while she had been the source of her descent into hell, of her fall down the rabbit hole, Alice tended to look more and more like her sister. What a role model. But she got it now, how you could end up there. When no one could reach you anymore, when you were too far away, too deeply lost and no one could see you anymore, drug was the best way to feel alive again. Well that's what she had thought 'till now. Quelle conne!_ [Fucking idiot!]

_9 years 9 months 9 days since she had found her there, lying dead on the floor, a syringe hammered in her arm. Apparently, faith had wanted her "number of the beast" to be the reversal of the real one. She was a fucking reversal herself after all. And today was the day faith had chosen to take charge. Her parents, who couldn't handle her anymore, had thought it would be a good idea to get her away from all the "bad influences". They hadn't gotten it she was the bad influence in her group of friends. Of course at first she had been initiated. She had realized how far away she had stood from the real sensations of life. But once she had passed the initiation, she had been a past master in the art of fucking her up. As long as she could ease the suffering, she was willing to do anything._

"_Tu te rends compte de tout ce que tu nous fais faire ? _[Do you realize what you've put us through?]" _And there it was, the same refrain all over again. Her mother hadn't stopped during the entire journey reminding her it was all of her fault, that she only caused problems around her, and asked what they had done to deserve this._

_ Deep down, Alice knew very well they had nothing to do with her sister's death. They were the most loving family in the whole world and had seen only too late how much their daughter had gone off the rails. But they felt guilty about her death and ever since, her mother had promised herself never to be so blind again. And yet she had been inconsolable as she had watched her now unique daughter follow the same path as her elder daughter._

"_Maman pas encore _s'il te plait_… Je ne vous ai pas forcé à partir. _[Mom not again _please_… I ain't force you to leave.]" _She just said, her eyes still on the landscape._

"_Bien sûr que si ! __Tu n'as rien dit mais tu nous l'as fait comprendre. 3 fois on t'a ramassée devant la maison, allongée dans le caniveau. 4 fois on est allés te chercher au commissariat. 5 fois tu as été renvoyée de ton lycée. Et je t'épargne le nombre de fois où j'ai tiré la chasse d'eau sur tes cachets immondes ! Tu n'écoutes personne. Tu ne parles à personne. Tu t'enfermes dans ton monde comme si tu n'existais pas ! Tu n'as pas le droit de nous faire ça ! Tu n'as aucun droit de me faire ça !  
_[Of course you did! You hadn't said anything but you made it clear. 3 times we picked you up in front of the house, lying in the gutter. 4 times we came for you at the police station. 5 times you've been expelled from high school. And I'm sparing you the numerous times I've flushed your disgusting pills! You're not listening. You're not talking. You lock up yourself in your own world just as if you didn't exist! You can't do this to us! You have no right to do this to me!]" _Her mother had reached the high notes so fast that her voice had broken on the last words. She had burst out sobbing and in the rearview, Alice was seeing her puffy eyes and her red nose. Among all the things she hated the most, the worst was to see her mother crying. No, upon thinking: the worst was to _make_ her mother cry. But the biting remarks came naturally through her mouth as she couldn't keep them locked. They were part of the shell she had built for about 10 years._

"_Je ne te dois rien. Tu m'as donné la vie mais tu me l'as reprise quand elle est morte. Pourquoi tu n'étais pas là ce jour là hein ? Pourquoi tu ne t'es pas occupée d'elle comme tu tentes désespérément de t'occuper de moi maintenant ? Où étais-tu quand ça comptait ? C'est avant que j'avais besoin de toi. J'ai pas besoin de toi maintenant. Tu n'as pas perdu une fille ce jour là, tu nous as perdues toute les deux_–  
[I owe you nothing. You gave me life but you took it back from me when she died. Why weren't you there this day? Why didn't you take good care of her as you desperately attempt to do with me now? Where were you when it mattered? I needed you back when I was a kid. I don't need you now. You haven't lost one girl that day, you've lost both of us –]"

"_Alice!" Her father raised his voice, unable to bear her hurtful speech any longer. She had been meaner than ever this time._

_ That wasn't her talking, but her anger. And her anger consumed her from the inside. She was burning since a long time and Alice didn't want anyone close when she would eventually explode. For long she had been cutting ties with what she cherished the most. She was being harsh on her mother to keep her away. She had lost every right to her mom's attention when she'd started messing up. She couldn't make her go through that another time, she was aware of that. She had to spare her, just as her dad and her baby brother. As for her big brother, he had left the family house at the age of 16 to pursue his studies in Paris, in a prestigious school. He had always watched over her since the day she was born, trying to keep her ignorant of everything she had eventually fallen in. He had failed his mission and felt guilty ever since, not recognizing her anymore. And she, felt guilty to think that her brother accused himself of her drift. She had chosen this path, she was assuming the consequences._

"_Tu vas trop loin maintenant ! Je veux que tu t'excuses immédiatement et que tu arrêtes de foutre ta vie – _[You've gone too far! I want you to apology right now and to stop throwing your life –]" _Her father was stopped in his tracks. He had faced her, his eyes full of a mix of rage, sadness and … guilt? However, his eyes, no matter what they were full of, weren't on the road anymore._

"_Non ! Non ! Stop ! Arrête !" She had only had the time to shout these four words as she'd seen the car get dangerously close to the semi-trailer which was overtaking them, striking it with full force._

_Everything stopped around her. For a second, her gaze captured this last image of what her family was, almost all here, in a state of pure panic. Her baby brother, still flabbergasted by the harshness of her words towards her mother, had started crying. He hadn't even realized what was happening. Her dad, still facing her, was looking at her without understanding, but in his eyes she could only find a man's protective instinct towards what he cherished most. Her mom was clinging on to his wrist so hard that his skin was bruising. Her heart-rending scream made her blood curdle. And time flew again. The car hit the crash barrier with full speed, going over it and rolled over before slamming against the trees along the road._

_And all went black._

_The darkness around embraced her, gripped her in a vice. She felt the blood rushing down her veins, so hard she was astonished it hadn't burst yet. For the first time, she didn't feel anything from the outside. She couldn't tell if she was buried deep down under the debris or if she was hovering high up above the world. She didn't feel her legs or her arms, or anything that could connect her to reality. She felt like her eyes were opened but at the same time she couldn't see anything. Had she become blind? Had she died?_

_Her heart was beating hard against her rib cage. Nope, she definitely wasn't dead. She forced herself to calm down and think, just like when she'd had a bad trip. Feet? Nothing. Legs? Nothing. Belly? Nothing. Chest? Her heart. Throat? Something was choking her. Mouth? A salty and metallic mix, her blood. Nose? Incapable of smelling a thing through all the smoke. Ears? A dull sound, like a permanent Larsen effect. Eyes? Darkness. _

_Suddenly, the dull sound became clearer. More rhythmic. She could distinctly hear two notes. A siren. Her mind was numbed but the sensations were coming back, little by little. She felt a tingling slowly ride up her spine. She moved one foot, then the other. It hurt like fucking hell. Good, she was alive. She had to know. Where were they? She had to see them, to feel them close to her. She forced her eyes open and this time succeeded. Her vision was blurred and the world around her was spinning too fast. It took her a few seconds to adjust to the situation. The car was upside down and the front bumper crashed into a tree. _

_First thing she saw was her father. His head tilted with an unnatural angle, resting on a torn part of the seat. He stood still. She blinked and saw blood flowing like water from his throat, too much blood. She looked down, unable to watch any longer. Tears were pouring down her face, mixing with the blood in her mouth, leaving a flavour all the more bitter as her bile was going back up. The three liquids were dancing on her taste buds. She couldn't breathe._

_ As her glaze was wandering, fixing upon anything but her father, she realized something even more horrific. Her mom. Her mom was at the exact spot where her father was resting, before the impact. And she understood that what she'd taken for a piece of the seat was nothing else but the disfigured face of the woman that had always had her heart. It was as if someone was squeezing it, tearing it apart. She couldn't think._

_ The flood was pouring. Unable to move, she just let her head rely on the floor, amid the broken glass shattered on the ceiling of the car. And then she saw it. She saw what annoyed her to breathe. What was nothing else than an arm, wrapped around her neck. She could only see his eyes. His wide opened eyes. His terrorized eyes. His bloodshot eyes. Her lifeless brother's eyes. She couldn't live anymore. _

_Her heart finally popped and her scream broke everything that remained in her.  
_

* * *

**Here comes the end (for the French part)**

* * *

"Hey hey hey ma belle shh it's ok" Her eyes popped open with pure terror. Her breath was short and she couldn't erase the last images in front of her eyes. She couldn't see anything else than those two cold black pupils. Her eyes were brimming with tears and she shut them, swinging her head back and forth as Effy was cradling her. She had jumped on the bed, pulling her head on her laps and she was stroking her cheek, murmuring as she wiped the tears away.

"I'm here, you're ok… Shhh… It's ok… You're fine… You're fine…"

* * *

She had heard her scream from all over her room. Actually she thought her agony had echoed through the whole house. She had rushed to her brother's old bedroom only to find her lying in tears and sweat, tangled in her sheets. She had done her best to wake her up and when she had finally opened her golden browned eyes, it was only pure fear that reflected in it. That sparkle… she had only been around that kind of feeling once. And it had been the only time she had been scared to death. Stroking the beautiful girl's face she could see her brother's all over again, lying still on the floor. She had almost lost him that night. The fact that he had left several months after had pushed away all the last hopes she had had.

She didn't know what to do with the broken thing in her hands. When her eyes opened again, she tried to give her the most genuine and reassuring look she had. It seemed to calm her a little even if she was still shaking hard. She didn't say a thing and she guessed that Alice wouldn't want her to. She simply leaned closer to her and let her lips rest on her forehead, for no longer than two seconds but that was enough. With that she promised herself that no matter what she was gonna stick to the girl till everything was ok for her. For she seemed to be as lost as she was. Fucking hell, for she was more dysfunctional than she'd ever dreaded to be.

* * *

**That's it, very tragic. What did you think of the French part? Let me know what you thought about all of it (French + story), please. The reviews really help me to keep motivation and inspiration if you have anything to add :) Thanks for reading, have a good day ! Bisous !**

**PS: I also left a quote to my favorite movie of all times (I guess), let me know if you found it (it's in English) ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**FINALLY! I have been so busy I kind of forgot about this story but as I've been on holidays and with less exams, I'm back. Also I've been writing a lot of other stories (GOT, Chicago Fire, …) but I don't know if I will publish them… And I guess I wasn't really motivated to write since I haven't had a lot of reviews. I don't really know where I'm going with this story but I'm going anyway. **

**Sometime I stick to the script but this isn't the point of my story. I'm not here to publish the written version of the series so don't be surprised if I make some changes or invert some parts. I didn't double checked so sorry if there is some grammar mistakes. Enjoy your reading.**

**The title is indeed from Modestep's song which is great, as its video. Bisous de France ! :) **

**PS: ****I don't own the characters nor the story of 'Skins' but I do own mine (Alice and her story + characters related to her such as her brother, or Sammy for example) so that's it. And it applies to the whole story. (blah blah blah) **

* * *

**-The sunlight hurts my eyes-**

"Where do we have to meet again?" Effy raised her head and sighed. As Panda answered for what seemed to be the millionth time, Alice let her mind wander. They had been in the cab for nearly 40 minutes as Cook had set their meeting on the other side of the city. They needed to help Thomas, a guy Panda and Effy had apparently met two days ago, to sell some drugs to repay a mad man, some guy named Johnny White who apparently ruled the city. Therefore, while they were still babbling about 'marketing strategies', Alice allowed herself to think again about her nightmare. It had been more vivid than ever this time and she was thankful that Effy had waked her up and stayed with her for almost an hour, whispering in her soft words in her ear and cradling her. She shivered and one single tear escaped from her eyes. She quickly wiped it away, hoping that no one had seen her. She breathed out and concentrated again on the conversation. Effy took her hand and squeezed it.

"Alice, we're here." She cleared her mind, shaking her head a little and gave her a nod before getting out of the car.

They were quickly met by Emily and Katie and headed toward the group of boys in front of them.

"Girls! We were just discussing breasts and there you were." Cook smiled cockily as Alice and the girls waved the boys, Katie giving the appropriate answer to the statement. Effy being Effy, she just went straight to the point and Alice was glad for it.

"This is the guy you're gonna help out tonight." She pointed Thomas who was holding his bag full of weed and a genuine smile. From the very first moment Alice had met him she had appreciated the boy, because he was truly kind and also because he spoke French which was a relief to her.

"So glad." He looked up at the guys.

"Thomas has gotta get 300 quid by Desperate Housewives, and that's tomorrow, otherwise Johnny White's gonna make him eat…" Panda was frantically trying to explain the situation but just end up rambling as always. She was cut mid sentence by Freddie.

"Johnny White?!" he seemed to be truly shocked. Wait who was this guy? Alice knew he must be dreaded enough to rule some part of the city but the way Freddie said it made him look like a gangster or something. Not that she wasn't used to those though. Her attention was also drawn by Cook who shivered before looking her in the eye.

"He's got 13 ounces of weed in the bag." Effy finally said, cutting the discussion short. All the boys indeed shut up while Thomas showed them his bag. They couldn't add something because Naomi arrived. Alice waved at the blonde while Katie couldn't help another bitchy comment.

"Oh, Christ. Not again. Who phoned her?" She was glaring at her sister who, for once, stared back.

"Please, Katie. Don't." Alice, as anyone else she guessed, could feel the rivalry between the two sisters as the blonde made her way to the group.

"Hi, sorry. I couldn't find a bus. You said somebody needed a hand?" She was all smiles and sincere, and Alice couldn't hold her back from growling at Katie's sharp comment.

"You like giving hand. Don't you?" Naomi instantly turned back and I mouthed Effy 'What the fuck?' while she looked at me and then stared at Katie for a second. They were both quite taken aback to hear Emily stand up to her sister.

"For fuck's sake! She didn't kiss me, OK."

"Yes she did, she practically jumped on you"

"I kissed her! I was drunk and … someone gave me MDMA, and … I felt like fucking kissing someone! Satisfied?" The two hadn't stopped to interrupt themselves but Alice was glad that Emily had had the last word, leaving a shocked Katie right where she belonged. Actually Cook got the last word.

"I'm satisfied! Be better if you showed us!" He was beaming and I rolled my eyes.

"Shut the fuck up, Cook, You promised me a party. Where is it?" Effy asked the one question everybody was wondering for they were somewhere on a car park, in the middle of nowhere.

"Can't you feel it, kids?" We all looked at each other, well except for Panda who looked at the sky like she was expecting some storm or something.

"It's the sound of the underground." And with that he revealed a hidden entrance, leading to an underground club. Coolest thing ever. They all cheered as he led the way to the club.

"Come on you suckers. Let's go!"

Alice was the last one to get down and she saw that Thomas had already dispatched his weed and they had gone through the people. She was about to go after them when she felt someone grabbing her hand.

"Hey, you alright?" She saw Cook, giving her some drug for her to sell. She avoided his gaze and merely nodded.

"What's the problem?" He insisted, grabbing her chin to make her look at him. She clenched her teeth.

"Yeah. It's nothing…" He frowned and didn't let go of her hand.

"Hey I can see it's not 'nothing'." He had to shout because of the loud sound and she leaned into him and got closer to his ear.

"It's nothing you can fix." She twisted her wrist to make him release his grasp. Before she could escape from his gaze she heard him shout something else but didn't understand. She turned around only to see him point his forearm. With a smirk she showed him the numbers she had rewrite this morning. She didn't know how it would be useful in a crowded club and without a phone for herself but he insisted for her to have those everyday on her. Some part of her thought it was some sort of 'marking his territory' thing. She shook her head and melted into the crowd.

Within an hour she had sold for about 75£. She caught sight of Effy and quickly made her way to her. She smiled and say 'Hi' but Effy put her index on her mouth, glancing towards Naomi and Emily talking. It must have ended bad because Emily kept repeating 'Shit' after Naomi left. When she faced us, Effy smiled proudly at her. It was obvious that the poor girl was lost on her feelings but to Effy, as for Alice, she was as straight as Alice was gay. Although to be honest, she had done things that could deny this statement but concerning Emily, she definitely had feelings for Naomi. It was just a matter of time, and guts before she admitted it.

Thomas came to see her and he was beaming for he had already gathered 100£, minus my 75£ and Effy's 80£. He would definitely have his 300£ by tomorrow. At least that was Alice thought until he was interrupted by some skinny white guy and his two goons. Shit, Johnny White. He threatened Thomas who did the one thing anyone would have done. Run. They came after him, shoving the girls in the process. When Alice finally made her way through the crowd she couldn't spot Thomas anywhere. They spotted Freddie and JJ, and she felt Cook behind her.

"Where is Thomas?" He was shouting in her ear and she was about to answer when she caught some French words. And then it hit her.

"He's on the stage!" Cook looked at her, not understanding at all. She pointed at the scene while telling the others.

"Look! He is up there! Man he is good!" They all cheered up and Cook even lifted Panda on his soulders when he was done. Alice had understood part of his rap through the noise and she was very impressed. After that, they made their way to the exit. Cook was holding tight Alice's hand and to be honest, she was glad to be with him because she never would have escaped the crowd without him. When they were on the street again she finally allowed herself to breathe. Cook quickly counted the money, note by note, and ended up with a total of 295£. They were all happy for him and glad it had ended up well. Well, until they were circled by cars. And from one of them got out Johnny White. Shit.

He challenged Thomas for the money and they headed to his apartment. Alice had felt Cook instantly tense when he had arrived and grabbed her waist. What has he done?

She couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when Johnny White revealed his big challenge. Red peppers? Really? Not that she would eat it happily but she had thought of something more 'gangster'. Well after seeing the face of Johnny White becoming redder than the twin's hair she had taken back this statement.

They couldn't stop laughing after the gang had left and now they were about to party and party good. Weed, alcohol, fun, that was all Alice needed to clear her mind from all the reminiscences of her dream. She was lying on the couch, her head on Freddie's laps and her legs on JJ's. Freddie was stroking her hair as JJ was rambling on, pretty much as Panda usually did. She smiled up at the tanned boy she had first ran into and giggled when he started playing with her nose. She was so high she barely noticed Cook and Effy undressing and making out in the corridor. But she definitely heard the woman shouting in French at the door.

"Prépare tes sacs! Prépare tes sacs! Toi, tu vas rentrer à la maison. Vous êtes dégoûtants!" She entered the apartment, followed by two kids and under the gaze of a devastated Thomas. Alice was suddenly aware of the situation and stumbled until she was sure to be steady. She met the furious glare of the black woman and knew that she wanted nothing to do with her. She grabbed Freddie and JJ's hand and got out of the apartment, offering a sad smile and squeezing lightly Thomas's hand before exiting.

When they reached the street, Alice realized that Effy wasn't out and she was left alone, homeless again.

"You can still come at my place if you want?" She looked up at Freddie.

"Unless you want to wait for them to finish their business because I'm pretty sure they're still doing it." He pursed his lips like he was annoyed and JJ nodded in agreement.

"Well if you insist… Ok then!"

"Great! We will show you the shed!" JJ grabbed her hand and started to drag her down the street.

"The shed?" She was dreading Freddie was about to make her sleep in the same place she used to but he merely shrugged.

She was relieved to see that 'the shed' was just an old garden shed, where the three boys would always hang out as kids and still now. It was pretty comfy, despite the 'piss bottle' and the porn magazines which were quickly hidden. They'd been there for a half an hour when they heard a loud noise outside. Alice jumped out of surprise, always being on edge which got her an odd look from Freddie but he didn't push it. Finally, they saw Cook enter but he didn't notice her.

"Oh man you should have seen the look on her face when she saw Effy riding me! But you should also have seen the look on Effy's face while she was doing it, if you know what I mean! It's too bad that Thomas has to leave, this guy is sick! Anyway, what are you up to?" And that's when he spotted her. Well only because she was now standing and leaving.

"Wait!" Freddie was struggling to catch up with her so she stopped.

"Sorry, but I'd rather not be there right now. But thanks for offering me a place to sleep." She saw him rub his neck and finally grab her hand.

"Come, I'll take you in the house, they won't even notice." She nodded and followed him.

* * *

Once she was settled in his bed and asleep he got back downstairs. JJ must have gone during this time for he only found a pacing Cook in the shed.

"Where is she?" Cook looked over Freddie's shoulder but find no one.

"She didn't want to stay anymore." Freddie was vague enough, not wanting to betray his friend. He knew she didn't want to confront Cook now so he'd cover for her.

"No, but you don't understand, she has nowhere to live! Where did she go?" Cook was now facing him, almost threatening him as his anger raised.

"Well maybe you should have thought twice before bursting in here, blabbering about your amazing fuck!" Freddie was not about to make him feel guilty. He was the one responsible of his actions and he was tired of always looking after him, always repairing what he eventually always broke.

"Ah I see. We're not talking about her anymore right? I'm sorry Freddie but if you're not with Effy, that has nothing to do with me." He gave him his most cocky look and right now all Freddie wanted to do was beat him. He wanted to rip off this smile from his face because he knew damn well he was partially right.

"Yeah whatever, I'm going out, close the door when you leave." He was almost out when Cook reached for him again.

"But seriously, is she ok?" There was no arrogance or irony in his tone and it kind of surprised Freddie enough to look at him again. He simply nodded and headed back home.

* * *

Cook was sitting in the armchair, rubbing his face with both hands. He had really screwed up on this one. It wasn't such a surprise coming from him but still. Her eyes were haunting his mind and it was hard for him to fall asleep while knowing she was upset. Of course he had acted like a prick but he didn't know that would hurt her. He didn't want to hurt her. She was so fragile, like she was about to break into pieces with every touch and he had barely seen through her shell once, before she'd withdrawn again. He knew she had a harsh past but she wouldn't share it with anyone. God, when has he become so caring and all? If she didn't want to share, well that was her problem not his. He had to stay away from her and keep living his life like he always had, the fun way. Not caring, not giving a shit and just enjoy. Effy was making him feel that way. He had to stick to Effy. Plus she was the better sex he'd ever had. Yes, no more problem, just fun…Fuck, then why couldn't he sleep?

* * *

Alice woke up in unknown sheets and room, struggling to remember the last night. Weed, music, shouting… right, Thomas! Then the shed, JJ making magic tricks, oh… Cook. Right. She shook her head, not wanting to allow the thoughts about him and Effy cloud her mind. She let her gaze wander through the room and finally spotted a lying body on the floor. She giggled when she recognized Freddie, sleeping in a very odd and undoubtedly very uncomfortable position. His snoring was the only noise breaking the peaceful silence and she finally fell in all the thoughts she had pushed back. The accident. Her brother. Eventually, his snoring was met by her sobbing and she reluctantly got out of the bed to calm down. In the darkness, she struggled to find the doorknob not walking over Freddie's body. When she reached the door at last, it came open to reveal the one face she was dreading to see right now. He was as taken aback as she was but he spoke first.

"Fuck! I see you got your ways to have a roof over your head!" He was already half the stairs when she ran after him.

"Cook, wait!" She managed to catch his wrist before he opened the door.

"No, I mean I get laid, why shouldn't you? You're pretty you must have them all to their knees, right?" His words were sharp as knives and cut her skin. It wasn't the first time somebody spoke to her like that but not since she had moved to England. She was supposed to have change but she guessed she hadn't at all.

"We didn't! Ok? He offered me a place to sleep and I agreed because Effy was too preoccupied with you." She looked down and mentally swore for allowing him to affect her. She shouldn't react like she was. It wasn't like he would care.

"Wait, have you been crying about this?" He seemed to be suddenly aware of her condition. She kept avoiding his gaze so he grabbed his chin and forced her to look at him. She then realized it would be better to let him think that than the real source of her trouble.

"Yeah I've been suffering about your love life the whole night…" She escaped his grasp and stepped back. Maybe the ironic tone wasn't such a good idea. Yeah he definitely didn't fall for that for he grabbed his waist and pulled her outside.

"Wait, Cook, let go!" She struggled a minute but saw there was no use. He pushed her in the shed and sat her in the armchair. Shit she was screwed.

"I don't believe any bullshit, why were you crying? And don't tell me it's because of Effy because you don't seem to be the type of girl who cries for… I don't even know why you would cry about it!" He had crouched so their faces were only a few inches away.

"Why do you even care?" She said as she sank into the armchair, knowing that he wouldn't back off.

"I always care about you. Since the day you called me I care. Why do you always doubt me?" His voice was soft and she felt his fingers gently brush her bare legs.

"Bad dreams." She muttered after a few minutes. He sat in front of her in the old car, his elbows on his laps.

"About what?" He didn't want to be insistent but he felt like it was one of the slight opportunities he would have her to open up a little.

She sighed, tilting her head back and resting a little on the back of the chair. She took that moment to weigh pros and cons about telling him but she gave in. When she faced him again she was surprised to see that he hadn't moved a bit. And then she told him. Everything. Her sister. Her past life of 'débauche', all the stupid things she'd done, drugs, fuck, run away. And then the accident. He hadn't interrupted her at any point and she was getting close to the one moment she dreaded the most. The funerals.

"You see… When I woke up in the hospital, they had already called my brother. He was there before I could realize what had happened. He didn't say a thing except that he loved me. He said he loved me and would be there for us, taking care of me. But you see, I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve the caring. They died because of me. I killed them." At this point she fell to the floor, tears streaming down her face. He crawled to her and she buried her face in his chest. He cradled her best he could, leaving light kisses on the top of her head. Eventually, her sobbing stopped.

"It's okay, you told me enough, I didn't want to –"She interrupted him. She hadn't confessed to anyone and she felt good about it, relieved from a heavy weight. She looked up at him.

"I wanna tell. When we got back to our home, he told me: 'Be ready at 7 on Saturday, I'll pick you up for the funerals'. I wanted to. It meant more than the world to me. But Sammy got in the way." She felt Cook tensed under her. Sammy had been her boyfriend, or what was the closest to that definition for 3 years and he also was the main reason of all her problems. He had dragged her down with him when he had started doing drugs and hanging out with gangs in all the bad neighborhoods of her city.

"He called me the night before the funeral and like a fool I fell back in his arms. The next morning, he dropped me at my house late and looking like a shit. I saw the look on his face and I knew he'd had enough. He'd had enough of me. He didn't even look back and left. When I got to the funerals it was already over. I wasted my only chance to tell them goodbye! I'm a piece of crap, you understand? You shouldn't even be here, I don't deserve it." With that she stood up and stormed out of the shed. She was surprised to see the sun had risen but they must have been talking for awhile. She was standing still, unable to move forward or get back. She felt his arms wrapped around her and he rested his chin on her shoulder, his nose tickling her neck.

"You're not a piece of crap." One tear escaped from her eye, slowly rolling down her cheek.

"Just the fact that you feel bad about it and guilty shows that you care. And you deserve to be loved and that someone takes care of you." She turned around and he hugged her wrapping his arms around her neck while her hands remained on his chest.

"Can I come back at your place?" She murmured, her face still in his neck. She sighed contentedly with his chuckle.

"You're going nowhere but with me." He grabbed her neck with the crook of his arm and headed to the house.

"Go get your stuff, I'll wait for you here."

"Cook…" He was lightening a cigarette but looked up when she called him.

"Thanks."

**_The next morning..._**

"Miss Champault you're late…" She had run all the way from Cook's place since he had thought it would be a great idea to unset all of her alarms. Indeed he had laughed his ass off when she flipped him off, leaving the small place half dressed up and the marks of his sheets still visible. Of course he didn't bother to come usually but she was surprised to see him enter the room a few minutes after her.

"James Cook, you're… here?" He winked at the teacher and took his usual spot next to JJ. Alice had noticed that Freddie was sitting next to her, and that Effy made a move on him halfway through the class. Alice and Naomi giggled and the latter winked at Freddie. Then she turned back to the brunette.

"So, what about you? What's going on with the "being late, my hair undone and my outfit clearly slipped on hastily, followed by a Cook eager to go to class" attitude?" She teased her and Alice burst out laughing which owed her a disapproving look from the teacher who could simply not be taken seriously while talking to her hand, but also an odd look from Cook and JJ full of curiosity. Alice had to acknowledge her wise choices for qualifiers.

"Dunno what you're talking about." She shrugged, laughing lightly.

"Yeah. Right." They were quickly hush by the teacher who asked if anyone else wanted to talk about the book. She didn't even know what book they were talking about but apparently, Naomi did.

"Hamlet is basically a teenage boy. He's got all these desires. But he doesn't have the balls to reach out for them. So, he goes mad, wanks off about Ophelia and ends up so boring: somebody has to kill him!" She told all that looking at Freddie and Alice couldn't help a soft chuckle. Effy and he were meant to be. And she wasn't saying that with any purpose on her mind. If the blue eyed girl could allow herself to delve in her feelings, she knew they were right. But then again, who was she to teach others a lesson she wouldn't take.

The teacher frowned, looking for wanking in Hamlet and that's about when Alice let her mind drift a little bit. Fortunately, Naomi was there by her side to cover for her when the teacher would ask her something. By the end of the class, she was starting to doze off a little when Cook threw JJ on the floor. She was relieved to see him tickling the curly boy. Slightly amused, she was watching them and didn't even notice Freddie until he gently tapped on her shoulder and she smiled back at him while he passed close to the boys.

"Freds!" Cook stopped messing around with JJ to concentrate on his friend, which he was thankful for.

"Come on mate, we're going down the boozer!" By the look on Freddie's face as he watched Effy leave, this wasn't going to happen any soon.

"Nah I'm gonna –" Freddie tried to escape from this but Cook insisted.

"Oh come on man, I need to get the fucking Dickens out of me head! Let's get fucking trashed." Alice watched the little scene from behind Cook but already knew how it was going to end.

"But –" He tried again but this time was interrupted by a JJ struggling to get up.

"Oh come on! Fredds it's been ages since we last went out!" Now Alice felt really bad for Freddie.

"Nah. I'm going home." Even from behind, she could tell that Cook was pissed off and she didn't even want to see JJ disappointed puppy eyes. But soon again he went back on tickling him and Alice sighed, rolling her eyes. It was so easier sometimes to be boys. Once they were done, Naomi grabbed her elbow and Panda's, and they went across the toddlers. The whole point of their outing was also to cheer her up after her boyfriend had been forced to go back to Congo. Before they left, Alice assured to lean to whisper in Cook's ear.

"By the way, it's Shakespeare, not Dickens."

"I knew that of course!" She heard him shout from behind and Naomi and she chuckled.

* * *

They all entered the bar, well all minus Effy, Freddie and Thomas, and sat down on a booth. Alice excused herself to the toilet and left with Emily by her side. Cook quickly made his way towards Christina to order some beers. He was about to greet her when he caught a conversation he was truly startled with.

"Hello, I'm sorry to disturb, would you know a girl named Alice, Alice Champault?" The man was standing in front of her, looking out of place not only by his tired and serious look but also because of his accent. An accent that reminded her of pretty brunette. Christina glanced at Cook, looking for some sign and he simply shook his head and frowned. Fortunately, the man didn't seem to notice.

"No I'm sorry, why are you looking for her?" She asked cautiously but he had not the time to respond as a scream broke the silence.

"Lewis?!" Alice was open-mouthed at the other end of the bar.

"She's my sister." The man eventually added, answering everybody's silent question.

* * *

** Put on those shades**

**And wave to yesterday**

**The sunlight hurts my eyes...  
**


End file.
